Been a while since I lsted posted. Things have ben progessing in my life, but i still remain sidetracked in one area/ I still long for comanion ship. I lie to myslef a bit and say i dont want him back buut I know I do.. I never have felt so alone in the world till now. I litreally feel more dead inside then when i was suicidal or wanted to kill mysle ffor attention But i am not suicudal. i dont want to take my life . it is a strange feeling. I jus miss being loved so bad. I miss having this feeling that no matter hwta in life this person will care about me and will bet htere for the high and lows. I know the genral respone to this is you have your family, but they do not give me this feeling nor does trust inthe lord. The only time i ever truly had this feeling as with him. It sao sad that i smile in pictures but frown and cry on the inside. I actually may need help but i dont think it will help.I need him back or somthing like that. I dont know why i keep lying to myslef and i slide back into talking to people from the past knowing im past them and my feelings also. I dont know i just want to sleep. I iss my old life and t