I often think about the woman I'm in love with. Being a lesbian can be so confusing, because I can't tell what is friendship and what is genuine love! It's hard when you've been friends with a woman for over 20 years and you can't tell what is friendship and what is a relationship at that point! The lines are so blurred between what we are it's very frustrating at times. ;a;
I often look at her, and want to just lean over and kiss her. I think about what it would be like to kiss her just because, and if she'd like it or reject me. I think of what we've done together, how we've done things that most couples would do, but never talked about it again. We went months spending the night together, then it suddenly just stopped. I want to get to that point again at the very least, but I don't know how to bring it up in conversation. I often think "well, maybe if we do THAT again, I could find the courage to kiss her and ask her out officially" (I skipped so many steps though! How did I bypass 1st base and already make it to a home run while still making no progress!!)
I can't possibly be alone in these thoughts, right? Other lesbians online seem to also run into these issues. Are we friends? Are we more? I just don't know! We talk about our future together, and how we will own a house and all these pets together. I see her, and I want to build a life with her. I've never been so sure about wanting someone to have with me for the rest of my life and I wonder if she feels the same.
My friends say we are the slowest burn when comes to romance. It's like a fanfiction that's 50,000 words with just building tension. If you guys knew all the stories of our bond it would drive you insane! You'd probably just yell at me to kiss her which trust me I want to!! I'm just nervous to do it!!