What is love?
I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 2.5 years.
It was an interesting start.
Non-traditional.
We met online. We met here.
We didn't expect it to turn out that way. Neither of us were looking for a relationship here.
But it happened.
We were both attracted to each other.
Even though we didn't know each others names,
or faces,
but there was something.
There was a connection.
Was it real?
Was it fake?
Was it worth it?
Why did it happen?
Why did I think it was a good idea?
These are the questions I ask myself now.
After the fact.
When I think back, maybe I've grown since then,
But I think it was one of the stupidest things I have ever done.
How could I think dating someone halfway around the world was a good idea?
I didn't even know his name! Or his face.
(And we all like to think that looks don't matter, but really, they do.)
I remember him telling me in the first few months
"You're not in love with me, you're in love with love."
Was that what happened?
Was I in love with "love"?
I liked doing things that couples would do
and acting like a girlfriend.
Of course I thought I was in love with him,
and that I was doing things because I loved him.
But was that really the case?
Was I truly, 100%, in the relationship?
Like he was?
Or was it infatuation? and longing for somebody,
wanting somebody to love me?
I feel that I was self-absorbed.
I was selfish.
From the start to end,
I was only thinking of myself.
Is that why it didn't work out?
Or was it even going to work out at all?
It's hard to think that it would have worked out.
Why would it?
We really had nothing in common.
Our goals weren't the same; not even similar.
We both wanted separate things.
Too different to even negotiate.
I was also too childish to know better.
I couldn't stand up for myself.
I was weak.
A relationship wouldn't work out in that kind of a situation.
I was only obeying what he said.
I was doing things because I thought he wanted me to.
Not because I wanted to,
and not because I thought it was right.
That's why it didn't work out.
That's why it ended.
I don't regret it.
I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 2.5 years.
It was an interesting start.
Non-traditional.
We met online. We met here.
We didn't expect it to turn out that way. Neither of us were looking for a relationship here.
But it happened.
We were both attracted to each other.
Even though we didn't know each others names,
or faces,
but there was something.
There was a connection.
Was it real?
Was it fake?
Was it worth it?
Why did it happen?
Why did I think it was a good idea?
These are the questions I ask myself now.
After the fact.
When I think back, maybe I've grown since then,
But I think it was one of the stupidest things I have ever done.
How could I think dating someone halfway around the world was a good idea?
I didn't even know his name! Or his face.
(And we all like to think that looks don't matter, but really, they do.)
I remember him telling me in the first few months
"You're not in love with me, you're in love with love."
Was that what happened?
Was I in love with "love"?
I liked doing things that couples would do
and acting like a girlfriend.
Of course I thought I was in love with him,
and that I was doing things because I loved him.
But was that really the case?
Was I truly, 100%, in the relationship?
Like he was?
Or was it infatuation? and longing for somebody,
wanting somebody to love me?
I feel that I was self-absorbed.
I was selfish.
From the start to end,
I was only thinking of myself.
Is that why it didn't work out?
Or was it even going to work out at all?
It's hard to think that it would have worked out.
Why would it?
We really had nothing in common.
Our goals weren't the same; not even similar.
We both wanted separate things.
Too different to even negotiate.
I was also too childish to know better.
I couldn't stand up for myself.
I was weak.
A relationship wouldn't work out in that kind of a situation.
I was only obeying what he said.
I was doing things because I thought he wanted me to.
Not because I wanted to,
and not because I thought it was right.
That's why it didn't work out.
That's why it ended.
I don't regret it.