Four years ago, I experienced divorce.
There is somewhat impatient marriage since the age of 30, convincing the partner who did not want to get married there, convincing each other's family, putting a friend on their side, it was such a forceful marriage.
I publicly declared that I would take care of the marriage partner that I could not afford so much economically, but the reality was severe than I imagined, and my partner and I became frustrating. Therefore we separated only one year.Pushing feelings to others, involving surroundings, driving myself ... I thought I was a terrible person.
At first I was disappointed deeply, I denied myself many times, but I came to think gradually this seemed to be a part of my life. Sometimes I was saying that that was not marriage, but now I can accept the reality if it is short.Because there are feelings of apology and gratitude to people involved at that time, I think that I will live so hard accordingly.
When I am in Japan, also after I came to Australia, I often become friends with people who experienced divorce.
A friend I met recently is still a person who has not passed since his separation, and when I exchange words with that person, various pain in old days will revive for the first time in a long time.I can not do anything, but I can only listen...
Why is it such a painful thing when you must hate what you love?