転勤が決まって,震災があった。

そんな時に家族が欲しいと願ってから,ほどなくして妊娠を予感したあのドキドキ感。

初めてその心臓の音を確認し,内診室であふれ出た涙。

ポコっと感じた胎動,胸が締め付けられるような喜び。

エコーで,どんどんリアルに人間になっていく姿に「ポコちゃん」と名付けたこと。

せり出してくるお腹に,ちゃんとした母親になれるのかと不安になった気持ち。

A Big Giggle


姫と一体にになって過ごした254日後に,予期せぬタイミングで訪れた破水・陣痛。

「私は痛みに強いから。絶対に声はあげない。痛いと言わない。」と決めていた。
だけど実際に起こってみると想像を絶する痛みの波。

その中で頭の中に響いていた,「久石譲のHANA-BI」 のクライマックス(弟2が私に内密に練習していて,出産前に弾いて聞かせてくれていた)。

あまりにも私が静かだった為,(痛いと言わないと決めていたが為)出産が立て込んでいた産院では誰も来てくれず,腰をさすってもらうこともできず,水も口にできず,ものも言わず・・・5時間一人で子宮口全開まで耐えたこと。

全開後すぐ,お母さんが来て,手を握ってくれたこと。いきむときに,何故か一緒に息を止めていたこと。

そして,そこから3時間半・・・広島から大阪まで始発の新幹線にのり,Honがかけつけた5分後。

姫の命が,この世で産声をあげた。




Honが泣いていたこと。

泣きながら「頑張った」と抱きしめてくれたこと。

そして,嗚咽をあげながら,姫を抱っこしてくれたこと。

立ち会えたことで,彼に芽生えた「愛情」。
姫はそれを知っていたから,ちゃんと,待って,生まれてきた。


A Big Giggle


A Big Giggle

初めて姫を胸に抱いた時の,ぬくもり,匂い,感触。
Honにそっくりで丸い顔の赤ちゃん。でも私の赤ちゃん・・・

世の中にこんなに愛おしいものがあったなんて。

目・鼻・口・まゆげ・ほっぺ・耳・手・指
そのすべてを愛おしいと思って,涙が出たこと。

姫の命が私の中に宿ってから起こったすべて,忘れない。忘れられない。


映画「うまれる」を見た。
DVD化はしておらず,自主公開のみで全国を転々としている映画だ。

上映中,私はほとんど泣いていた。虐待された過去をを乗り越えた母親。18トリソミーという病気が妊娠8か月で判明し,産むかどうかの決断を迫られた母親。出産予定日にわが子を失った母親。子供を望んだものの授からない人生を受け入れた母親。

うまれることは,奇跡の連続だ。

そして日本では,1000人に2人の乳児が一才になることができないという。

生きていくこともまた,奇跡の連続だ。


A Big Giggle

「この笑顔を守る」

姫,一歳のお誕生日おめでとう。ありがとう。

I have this little angel. For me she left her wings.
She has no idea how much happiness she truly brings.
She brightens up my days with her smiles and her laughs.
She helps me to remember all the blessings that I have.

Her face, it is so perfect, she's sweet and soft and pure.
Sometimes she can be willful and sometimes she is demure.
She tries her very hardest to please and do what's right.
She gives the greatest hugs from morning until night.

Every person that has known her sees this light within her soul
I know that in this whole great world, she has a special role.
She's helpful and considerate to everyone she knows
This light in her shines brighter as my angel grows.

When she sees someone is sad, it opens up her heart.
She wants to do all that she can; she wants to do her part.
She'll squeeze away the sorrow and make me forget about my pain.
She shows me where the sun is when we're hiding from the rain.

I know that God must love me, He showed me with His Grace
I knew just how completely when I saw my angel's face.
And in that very moment when she came into my world,
I knew that she was so much more than just my baby girl.

She would be my sunshine, with a sweetness that won't end.
And when she grows up one day she would be my closest friend.
She would be the reason I would always try my best.
For my little angel baby girl would be my greatest test.

When God entrusts to you an angel, who has left her wings for you.
Encircle her with love with everything you do.
Let her know God made her, and that He trusts you with her care.
Be sure to make time for special moments with her to share.

And when at night she finally says her prayers and goes to sleep
I Thank Him for my angel, and ask for him to always keep
A watchful eye and hand to protect her from this world.
Protect my little angel; protect my baby girl.

Source: An Angel Left Her Wings, Daughter Poem http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/an-angel-left-her-wings#ixzz2DWDk1SnF
www.FamilyFriendPoems.com


I have this little angel. For me she left her wings.
She has no idea how much happiness she truly brings.
She brightens up my days with her smiles and her laughs.
She helps me to remember all the blessings that I have.

Her face, it is so perfect, she's sweet and soft and pure.
Sometimes she can be willful and sometimes she is demure.
She tries her very hardest to please and do what's right.
She gives the greatest hugs from morning until night.

Every person that has known her sees this light within her soul
I know that in this whole great world, she has a special role.
She's helpful and considerate to everyone she knows
This light in her shines brighter as my angel grows.

When she sees someone is sad, it opens up her heart.
She wants to do all that she can; she wants to do her part.
She'll squeeze away the sorrow and make me forget about my pain.
She shows me where the sun is when we're hiding from the rain.

I know that God must love me, He showed me with His Grace
I knew just how completely when I saw my angel's face.
And in that very moment when she came into my world,
I knew that she was so much more than just my baby girl.

She would be my sunshine, with a sweetness that won't end.
And when she grows up one day she would be my closest friend.
She would be the reason I would always try my best.
For my little angel baby girl would be my greatest test.

When God entrusts to you an angel, who has left her wings for you.
Encircle her with love with everything you do.
Let her know God made her, and that He trusts you with her care.
Be sure to make time for special moments with her to share.

And when at night she finally says her prayers and goes to sleep
I Thank Him for my angel, and ask for him to always keep
A watchful eye and hand to protect her from this world.
Protect my little angel; protect my baby girl.

Source: An Angel Left Her Wings, Daughter Poem http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/an-angel-left-her-wings#ixzz2DWDk1SnF
www.FamilyFriendPoems.com