I was 6 years old the last time I saw my Dad, if I'm not mistaken.
I was 16 years old the last time I heard his voice over the phone, that was during my 3rd year in high school.
Years passed and lots of things transpired. . .
My way of thinking, emotions, values, outlook, etc.
I knew this day would come the moment my half-sister in California
sent a SMS to my younger sister asking if she can talk to me and my mom last Thursday (Nov. 19).
I had this gut feeling that something was wrong.
And I was right.
Dad was under ICU (Intensive Care Unit) for 3 months already due to kidney problems.
He had a severe attack last Thursday and was under Code Blue.
After that, Dad decided that if an attack occurs next time,
he doesn't want to be revived anymore.
My half-sister then asked Dad permission to at least tell us (I, my mom and sis) about his situation.
An idea he excitedly welcomed according to my sister.
Mom said she'll send me there and will try to process my VISA a.s.a.p..
All the papers were set and complete by Monday.
Then Tues. 8:37 am (Nov. 24, 2009).
Mom sent me an SMS saying,
"Dad just passed away at 2:55pm".
Everything paused.
My head wasn't running.
No emotions.
Nothing.
My head and heart was like a blank slate.
The same feeling I had the first time I heard of Grandma's death.
I know I was in denial that day until yesterday.
I don't want to talk about it.
I don't want people asking me about it.
I just want the world to shut up and ignore my existence.
Then my boss told me yesterday afternoon, "Things happen for a reason."
It then snapped a nerve inside my head.
These are the exact words of encouragement I use to myself!
So I decided to break loose from my cocoon and face my greatest fear.
Death of a loved one.
It was difficult especially at home where mom and my younger sister still try to evade the topic.
I'm quite aware that I still haven't surpassed my state of denial but slowly I will win over it.
To Kuya Tenki and Maggie, Thank you so much for the words of comfort.
It may be simple words for you but it means so much to a person like me.
To my friends, JUNKO people!
I love you guys for everything.
You people means so much to me.
I really appreciate the support you sent me through your messages.
Making me smile even in the lowest point of my life.
You guys are the Best!
There.
I've somehow released some of my feelings through this post.
So expect Normal Me to be back and blogging.
P.S.
Ameblo really keeps me sane.