When I got home yesterday Mom told me that the embassy have sent a reply to my application. She said that she was disappointed and sensed that I didn’t passed it. Surprisingly, I didn’t burst into tears (which I envisioned even way back if something like this would happen for I am quite a sensitive person)
Now that I think about it I think my reaction was pretty stupid because when mom blabbed about it I said to myself,
(^o^;)
“Ah~ I think I didn’t pass since she said she’s disappointed. But hey~ isn’t it bad to read another person’s mail? She should have waited for me to get home which would have saved her from the disappointment.”
But oh~ I can’t blame mom, she was more excited than me about this scholarship.
Now back to my failed attempt. I would be a hypocrite to say that was nothing since it did gave me a sting of glumness but as I said before I was surprised with myself on how I maturely accepted the result (WoW! Who would expect something like this from a girl with a mental age of a12 year old who loves to play with pre-school kids!).
It was sad. Yes it was, because I didn’t get it after my 1st attempt.
Second because according to the letter my application was carefully considered during the 1st phase but wasn’t able to pass the next stage~ (awww. . .now that sucks).
I wonder if it’s because my proposal was a qualitative study which is still critically scrutinize by those who practice quantitative study in the field of psychology due to its manner of gathering data that deviates from the scientific way of measuring data. (hmmmm…. I wonder if I was better off if I proposed an experimental study for Graduate school. . .)
But anyway!
XDD!!!! Ha!
If you think I’m sulking after that then you are entirely mistaken.
Thanks to my uber stubborn nature and scientific way introspecting which made me carefully weigh my shortcomings and idiocy I realized that I didn’t give my 100%best (seen on how I cram everything, the result just suits me).
Oh no! This isn’t a form of sour-graping or sweet lemoning or whatsoever, I know myself better than anyone else. So I assure you that none of those defense mechanism is present upon my soul.
But even if I deserve not getting it. . .(for now)
I won’t accept defeat!
Even If I fail twice, 20 times, 50 times or 100 times.
I’ll still attempt and give it a shot twice, 20 times, 50 times or 100 times.
Until, I get what I want!
This is what second chances are for and a chance doesn’t just end up on one’s 2nd attempt.
For me, it’s endless.
It’s a matter of choice, of how you see things and how you deal things.
In my case, I choose to remain stubborn (headstrong sounds more admirable but I think stubborn suits me best` XD!). *whacks self with a hammer*
So I am going to apply again! XDD!
~ぐるぐる~