The Confession of The Second Child

In the family there's always this thing that we can't help but accept.. This is the way things should be... The eldest will has the biggest responsibilities while the youngest always gets what he/she wants. But in my family... there is no such thing as like that... My parents treated us equally. They never let us have the things that we like that easy. We have to work for it proving that we deserve it. But you see there's always this sibling rivalry that existed before. Me and my brother can't get along. Since we were born just two years apart it's like we really can't be together when we were young. What he has, I should have too... If he has new shoes.. I must have those too...We used to fight as in literally fight... you can see us nagging and sometimes do nasty things to each other.. There was one time I got so pissed off by him I got myself a belt and I hit him with the buckle..... waaaaaaa.... *yeah bad me* Then there was once he found out that I've been getting his tapes (cassette tapes) from his room without permission he went to my room and decapitated all my barbie dolls. (my precious collection). Ever since that incident I didn't talk to him. It was like having a cold war in the house. When he left our house when he entered college I was free for just 3 years of my life. He just go home every weekends so I usually go somewhere else just to make sure I wouldn't see him. Then the dreaded day came that I have to live with him for 2 years. It was so awkward living with him since we don't talk and to top of it all we have to share house with our cousins... making it all worst.. and so as I go to school every day I tend to look invisible... so that they will never see me.. but it was a complete failure... I had a tough life living with my cousins which made me think I'll be better be off with my bro. I didn't know that my bro noticed that I can't take it anymore so he asked my dad for us to live to another condo. We left our cousins and live together.. well still no changes... we never talk.. The common thing about me and my bro was we are very approachable we are friendly so in a matter of time we had so many friends who lived in that building. We used to go for drinks with them and they didn't know that there was a war going on between us because we are too proud to admit it.. XD After a year my bro had a personal prob that he had to be in hiatus for quite sometime.. so I was left alone... but it's ok... I can manage... so when he came back it was very different... It's like a totally new person.. Then he asked me if I wanted to have some beer after dinner.. I didn't mind it at all because that was the first time... so when we were getting a little bit drunk he started to say that he was sorry for everything he caused me... he was such a child then... I told him that I should be the one who should be sorry since I was a complete bitch at that time... It was a very renewing year for us... I started to know more about my bro and we begun to bond. That was only for a year coz he left.. he needs to work. He doesn't want my father to see him jobless after he graduated.. So I'm all alone again... Living alone is not that tough at all for me.. It's living with someone was tougher I guess.. hehehehe... Then after I finish my studies I got into a job which I sooo enjoyed. I found out that my bro has having a hard time with his work that he even got sick on duty. So I tried to get him into the same job as I do. Thank God that it was successful. But still we live in a different place. We can only see each other at work. Our relationship was like that now. Since I have to work for my other sibling, he has to work for the expenses back at home. We have different priorities but have the same goal. We need to help our family since my dad is not working anymore. But now our hard work pays off... My sister who I've been supporting is about to graduate this year.. My mom will open her store this year.. Our dream is now taking shape... So maybe that made my brother thought it's about to settle down. I was never against him marrying his GF because I like her and she's with him for 10 years and they are not getting young anymore.. but the thing is this.... When my bro told me about his plans I was not shocked nor sad nor even happy... I was empty? I don't know... It's just I felt like something was just taken away from me... and I begun to think... what will happen to me now? Since I my bro will start living with his own family... it's like... what about me? what will happen to me? yes I have my own goals but at that time I just have to ask myself that question... I felt like I was promoted from the second child to eldest.. Am I ready for that responsibility? Am I capable? Well I don't know because I myself doesn't live by the rule so how can I be capable of taking over his place? I just don't know................