OH MY GOD....!!!!!
wahhhhhh~~~~!!!!!
whats going on?!
is it meant be happened???
you dont know how much i affraid right now..
how stupid i was!!!!!
yeah i admit,
i think the girl is stupid..
ok, but i dont hate her..
yeah..
it meant be happened...
my girl..
she hates me now for sure..
cuz i was such an idiot or evil.
well i dont have that strenghth to talk about this right now ay..
no one could stop it,
that was my thougts and anyone couldnt say it to her..
but the way she knew it was shocking.
that make everyone evils and feel guilty
ahhh!!!!!!!!
forget it?
are you kidding..
how i could forget about this?
im just sorry...
i dont what else to say..
just sorry......
yesterday...
sucks night..
working with a dick head.
i am now so depressed...
its not about me,
the things happening with in a week to me.
....people make own life right?
its not like god lead us to go this way.
i make today, tomorrow until my life is end.
the inviroments, situations, atmospheres...
so i have all the responsibilities....
yeah thats why i always angry at myself.
why i am still this weak??
what am i?
am i goinf to though this for what?
what is waiting for me?
i want to.. like myself..
is it always end up with this conclusion?
isnt it the basic thing?
isnt it the basis of living?
am i aiming too high?
no!
why cant i simply like myself?
why cant i have confidence?
what am i affraid for?
few days ago,
1 good friend of mine found she is pregnant.
she was going to marry next year, but they decided to marry in this year.
CONGRATURATION!!!
i am so happy for her!
we are so gona celebrate for them when i go back to japan.
oh my god..
she will be a mother!!!
the greatest thing..
but i feel a bit sad..
we are no longer stupid young girls..
i know she will be the best mother!!!
but i cant think of me being a mother oneday..
i dont have confidence at all to have a baby!!
we cant even feed ourself or controll ourself well.
wahhhhhh...
but my fiance's parents want a baby...
and i feel old to be honest...
i dont even want to marry now..
when we were born, our lifes started ending..
so what we can do is to find our happiness,, right?
thats why people try to figure out what we can do to make our life better..
then almost people now believe that if you work hard,
you are rewarded for our efforts..
and this is maybe right..
but if its not??
hahhhh..
so ridicurous...
i started again..
maybe this is an excuse..