Recently, I just wanna curse all day!!!
This online class is really losing my motivation?
You know what? Before I get here, I was really imagining myself being so full of passion in pursuing the field I choose...that's around 2019. And then, 2020 happened. Ghurl!!! It somehow affected me so much!!! To be honest, this already crossed my intuition that something like that will happen. I don't know exactly how am I able to feel it...but I just can tell it way before the pandemic happened. Well, yo!! I'm a risk-taker and someone who just keep pushing what I want regardless of the consequences, so yahhh!! Yizz ghurl!!! am here!!!
The fact that I'm writing this blog while my term paper word tab is waiting for me to finish it! I just can't juice out my brain at the moment. I don't know exactly how to connect the ideas. My mind is not functioning at best right now. I just wanna jump off the cliff and YOLO!!
but well, I don't wanna die yet. I just wanna end this internal pain I feel for the past few months...I mean, I've been feeling this for a long time...grrrr!!!
I just hope that I'll be able to finish half of my work today, or else, I'm dead by next week. This is an academically demanding month for me!!! Imagine how many papers do we need to pass in one single subject?? Like a special problem, which is basically a research paper, a term paper, exercises, and more...and I am overloaded this sem!!! Another 2 subjects of mine literally have the same weight of requirements. I feel like I'm burned out with all these. I kinda regret taking one minor this sem. I should've listened to my friend when she told me it's too much!
Funny thing that even my dreams are still related to what I'm doing in graduate school. Like I dreamed of arguing with my classmate about how protein folding works and stuff. It's basically my molecular biology class. LMAO!!! That felt weird. Of all things, why protein folding??
My mind is full of proteases, immune gene responses, amino acids, peptide bonds, structures of proteins, and just an entire bulk of lessons I had this sem. ALL MIXED IN MY BRAIN!!! I dunno how to segregate them. So random ...
I just need to talk with myself right now. I have to tell myself that I should keep going!!! I'm still lagging behind!!! Just like the semi-discontinuous replication process. The leading strand is replicated fast with no interruptions...while I, as a lagging strand, always needs a primer or motivation to continue the process...
Why did I even pursue the Science field anyway?? when I'm much better on the literature side?? Or nah...just a hunch, a feeling, no basis at all. Everything happens for a reason. And this is me, I CHOOSE THIS PATH SO I SHOULD NOT BE ACTING LIKE A BITCH!!!
Well, imma get back to my paperwork now!!! See yaaa in my next story!!
my besties cheering for me...
and....yah...that would be all for now!!!
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Walking on the flower path
,
Mich