Been a while

It's been a while since I thought about you.



I thought I was over all of that.



It's been a while since I missed you to the point of wanting to tear myself apart. I never thought I'd feel like this again. I thought I was strong and pushed myself past all that.



All those moments come rushing back to me so fresh and intense they feel like yesterday.



I miss you so much. Even though I've chosen the path to never see you again. I want to see you so bad it tears me up. Even though I know it won't make a slight bit of difference. On the day you chose to walk out of my life it already was the end of us. There's nothing that can fix that. My feelings for you have changed. The current you is something I don't want back in my life - I deserve better than that. I know. But the you that I met on that day - I have and probably always will be in love with him.



I don't know why I'm doing this to myself. And I honestly try not to. I've taken every measure to reject you from every single aspect of my life, and yet you still manage to occupy my thoughts. And here I am, writing about you again.



It breaks me to know I've fallen so hard in love with someone that I will never meet again. It may seem cruel, but sometimes I wish we'd never met. That way I wouldn't have to feel this pain time and time again.



I hope you are happy, and I hope you find love... as will I, sooner or later. But somewhere deep in the darkness of my heart, I wish you'd suffered for me as I have for you. I wish you'd still be thinking of me some time and wished you hadn't let go.