Damn It

these days i dont know why but im so irritated.

at everything!

right now im irritated because my brother

went up stairs with the god damn tv on.

no one is watching the god damn tv you idiot?!

i wish i was in my room at dada's.

i wish i was there.

i dont know why i have to choose my mom or dad.

i dont know why my mom wants me to choose

and i dont know why children needs too choose.

i dont wanna choose again.

not again.

its stupid.

i just dont wanna break our relationships as a family.

as a father and daughter.

as a mother and daughter.

am i wrong?

or am i thinking too self-centered?

im thinking about this stupid problem everyday.

but i cant find any answer.

its too difficult.

maybe im still a child.

okay

i need to stop thinking about this stupid thing.

it makes me more irritated!

by the way i lost maybe 2 kg from may.

4 months , only 2 kg.

ha-ha-ha really really funny

i need to lose 3 kg befor october.

im going to!

i know its no use crying over spilled milk.

but this time i will make him cry over spilled milk!!

YOU'LL SEE Mr.PERFICT!!!!!!!!!!

luv ya all

damn

i cant stop sneezing!!

yesterday my oba-chan had a spasm.

and she screamed and i was reaaaaally scared at that sight.

after she calm down we went to the hospital and

the docter said she needed to be hospitalized.

so she is now in the hospital.

hope she will get well.

these days i've been tring not to think about that day.

maybe 2 weeks have passed.

in this 2 weeks made me realized that i have a wonderful friends.

the day i started suffering from a broken heart,lol

i mailed my friend that i just got turned down.

then about 30 seconds later she called me and

i talked about what happend and

i really wasnt that sad after i was turned down

but when i started explaning about what happended,

it made me realize that everything had finished.

and it made my tears welled up in my eyes.

and my friend told me that i really did a good job

and just cry when i want to.

yap, i cried and cried and cried.

my other friends called me and

they made me cry again!

they made me smile.

i think it will take a lot of time to get over

but i think i can.

cause i have a lot of wonderful friends!!!

love you all!!!!

okay

i wanted to write more things

but i forgot what i wanted to.

maybe ill write this again later.

tomorrow im going back to dada's house.

cant wait to see kimi!!

bye bye

im home now.

went to the airport to see off mari.

we got to the airport at 4 and meet ken there.

mari did her checkin thing and

after that, there was 1 hour left so we went to eat

at the food court.

during the meal, i tried not to think that

there was only 1 hour left before she goes.

and time passed quickly.

it was already 4:55 and mari had to go.

infront of the gate, i couldnt hold my tears.

nobody was crying but when i started crying,

mari cried. and dada cried too.

i was supprised at that sight cause

i never had seen his tears.

and of course,it made me cry more.

we hugged and said goodbye and mari left.

we got home around 8 and

when i steped into my room,

i felt the room was so huge and very quiet.

and water came up from my eyes and my nose..lol

there were bunch of mari's clothes in the clothet,

bunch of shoes in the genkan,

bunck of things that mari had in my room.

but there were all gone so

it felt kinda wired and sad.

still it does too.

so i dont think i can stay in my room for

more than 5 minutes or so.

otherwise ill start crying.:p

now im in the living room and typing this blog thing.

ana is here too.

ken was here too but he ran in to his room.

dada is now trying to put kimi asleep.

when i came back from the airport,

and got into my room,

i was so happy that kimi came into my room and

made a big smilely face.

but couldnt stop

crying when i saw her smile.

i felt kinda sorry for kimi cause

im sure that she liked mari and i think

she was looking for her when she came into my room.

i hope i can get to sleep tonight.

i really miss you puta!

hope i really can see her in the winter.

so i gatta try to save money for the trip.

damn.

みんなにあいたい。

寂しいよ～