God Bless Moodswings

God bless moodswings. Seriously, I think especially in us, women, moodswings are a big part of our lives. Especially during 'peak' times, your day can be good or bad depending on where it wants to swing.

Anyways, yesterday I felt bored at work cuz I didn't have anything much to do. My boss takes Wed-Fri off and he told me to focus on learning the Visio (plus he gave me a little tutorial book to read) for this week. But I guess by Tuesday, I've read the book cover to cover twice at least and played around with the software. So I messaged my friend who just started work 3 days ago. I asked her how's her job treating her and well, the response that I got is she's not really fond of working [there]. I felt funny at that time cuz seems like none of my Sec Sch group of friends like working [for people] so far.

But moving on, today I felt quite happy at work. I felt that the people at the company are a bunch of fun people. The only drawback is my job scope. Lets see if I can do something about it.

After work, though, I felt 'suffocated.' I felt that I really need some alone time. So after dinner, I drove around a little. Man, that was my favorite past time. I remember -- when I was in Indiana or Calif -- whenever I feel tired, depressed, suffocated or something, I'd drive around a little and I'd feel so much better after that. Don't forget some nice tracks though to accompany your little aimless driving.

I haven't done that ever since I came back. Sigh, blame the road here. It's definitely not as enjoyable as driving in US. In US, you can drive with just 50% concentration (I guess it is abit dangerous) but here, you need at least 80% concentration. Road bumps, potholes, people jaywalking, etc. Too much barriers.

Ok, I think I've babbled long enough.

uneg-uneg of the day

today, i feel like i dislike my job. i was soo super sleepy this morning plus i'm getting sick soon. and i didn't know what to do today (plus the sleepiness and sickness), it's definitely not a nice feeling. it's like i wanna do something useful; yet, i don't know what. it's a mixture of guilt, uselessness, sleepiness, and many other negative feeling.

after some time, i couldn't take it anymore and i went to talk to one of the people in my unit. i told him that i'm confused, i don't know what to do. and he laughed! he said he felt that exact thing when he just joined bus dev unit. it's just the nature of the job, he said. that gives me a huge relief. but well, it doesn't change the fact that i don't like this nature of the job.

i guess i prefer a job where i can quantify my achievements at the end of the day/week/month or sth. let's see if this will get better as i go on. i hope it will.

hoahm..

hoahm.. i'm sleepy. i think i'll sleep soon and its only 9:55pm now. my lifestyle is turning to an oldies'. Oh no!!

i have been having training this whole week. a class of 23 or so and most of them are internal staffs who have worked at the company for many years. (everyone needs to take that class to get promoted to a higher rank -- of course it's not the case for me, its only my 2nd week). so in class, some of them ask questions which are way too deep (in scope) for a beginner like me. in the end, i feel abit lost and soon my thoughts are lost in space too. lol.. i feel sooo sleepy many times.. esp in the afternoon 3+. geez.

coz of that, i have been telling myself to sleep earlier at night. but it's hard to force myself to sleep at 10pm everyday. not because i can't sleep.. but because i don't want to sleep just yet. but what to do? i have to wake up at 6am the next day.

working in Jakarta is wasting 3-4 hours of my time each day. that's alot man. time wasted on the road stuck in traffic. if only the traffic is abit better than that, i can spend an extra hour or 2 browsing the internet at home and chatting or sleeppp.

alone quiet time is very important and it's actually very relaxing, especially after a tiring day. i really appreciate having some alone time just for an hour or 2 every other day or sth. no interruption and i can do whatever i want. however, sometimes this tranquil time is rather hard to find here. i'd be told to do this and that and stuff. that can get tiring. well, but its also not nice to live alone all the time. i guess a good balance between the two is important. when we wanna be disturbed, there'll be ppl who can bother us. when we wanna be left alone, we'd be able to do that.