these 3 words

baby sister's sickness is not the only reason why im breaking down. i feel so helpless right now, i mean im not helpful at all. i don't do pray and i don't wanna discuss what is happening with anyone except my family and fu jai. what else can i do right now, right this moment? i can't think of anything.. but mama and papa said i have to stay strong and not to worry are the only thing i can do to help. i feel so bad that my sister is suffering and i can't be there to take care of her. i feel so bad that my mother has no one next to her to keep her staying strong. i didn't know what to do and say when mama called with tears all over her face. i can feel her sadness, fearness, and helplessness.

saying i love you does not cure my sister from being sick

saying i love you does not give my sister physical care

saying i love you does not stop my tears from falling down

saying i love you does not stop everybody from worrying

saying i love you does not help my mother and father to get away from sadness

however,

saying i love you does show the emotional care
saying i love you does help to mend the heart and soul

saying i love you does give you/me a bit of comfortness

saying i love you does let you/me stay stronger

saying i love you does make a change

i love you sis.

you were always the person i have looked up to. but when years pass, i can see your weakness, your imperfection, but also our greater connection too. somehow i don't feel that im the younger one anymore. you have became my baby sister. you are the one i want to protect, i want to hold in my arms, the one and only sister i want to have. no matter what, i am still here by your side.

YUI - It's Happy Line

誰の為に生きているの?
さえない日々を過ごして
弱さも痛みも
どのくらい感じてるの?

足りない昨日におぼれ
夢に書いた今日
そろわなくても yeah yeah

夜明け前の瞬く星は
消えて行ったの?
明日へ行ったの?

Tomorrow never knows
It's happy line

何を信じていけばいい?
見えない日々を過ごして
どんな夜を見ても
もう暗いしないで

誰もが幸せを呼ぶ笑
見えているの?
笑えなくても yeah yeah

明日への想いを胸に
赤い目を見て
笑ってみたの

Tomorrow never knows
It's happy line

足りない昨日におぼれ
夢に書いた今日
そろわなくても yeah yeah

夜明け前の瞬く星は
消えて行ったの?
明日へ行ったの?
Tomorrow never knows
It's happy line

Avril Lavigne- Keep Holding On

You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand
When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
No I won't give in

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

So far away
I wish you were here
Before it's too late, this could all disappear
Before the doors close
And it comes to an end
With you by my side I will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend
Yeah, yeah

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say

Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

Hear me when I say, when I say I believe
Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny
Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

La da da da
La da da da
La da da da da da da da da

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

Keep holding on
Keep holding on

There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

--------------------------------------------------------------

Keep Holding On by Avril Lavigne is the second song for you. you were not/ are not / won't be alone, never, i promise. everybody is fighting with you. daddy and mama are right, i can't show that i have been crying and show my weakness in front of you. we all have to stay strong, so just keep holding on. we will make it through together. love you my baby sis.

Alicia Keys- Tell You Something

Get so caught up everyday
Tryna keep it all togther
While the time it slips away
You see I know nothing last forever

Imagine there was no tomorrow
Imagine that I couldn't see your face
There would be no limit to my sorrow
So all I can say

I wanna tell you somthing, give you something
Show you in so many ways
Cause it would all mean nothing if I don't say something before it all goes away
Don't wanna wait to bring you flowers, waste another hour let alone another day
I'm gonna tell you something, show you something, won't wait til its too late

I can't wait I can't wait I won't wait I don't wanna wait
I can't wait I can't wait I won't wait I don't wanna wait

Just a simple conversation
Just a moment is all it takes
I wanna be there just to listen
(I wanna be here)
And I don't wanna hesitate

Imagine there was no tomorrow
Imagine that I couldn't see your face
There would be no limit to my sorrow
Cause there's nothing that could fill that space
I don't wanna put it off for too long
I didn't say all that I had to say
I wanna take my time and right the wrong before we get to that place

I wanna tell you somthing, give you something
Show you in so many ways
Cause it would all mean nothing if I don't say something before it all goes away
Don't wanna wait to bring you flowers, waste another hour let alone another day
I'm gonna tell you something, show you something, won't wait til its too late

Just lean on my shoulder,
Its not over til its over
Don't worry about it cause
I'm gonna make sure Ima get stronger
I don't wanna wait til the storm and something wrong and now your gone and I can't find ya

I wanna tell you something, give you something
Show you in so many ways
Cause it would all mean nothing if I don't say something before it all goes away
Don't wanna wait to bring you flowers, waste another hour let alone another day
I'm gonna tell you something, show you something, won't wait til its too late

--------------------------------------

my dear sister, i really wish im here by your side right now. i know you know that i love you so much and miss you so much. please stay strong and we will get through it together.

Tell You Something is a song that i wanna sing to you. i want the world to know how much i miss you and love you. i really mean it when i say it. i hope you get these msg from the last phone call. get better, k?

reelout9

reelout9- queer film + video festival

jan 24 - feb 3, 2008

today is the first day of reelout!

red without blue was playing at the screening room in downtown at 7 tonight

i planned to go but shannon decided to go to the next sunday's one

i thought i would still go cause i wanna go see as many as i can since this festival is once a year.

ainsley said she is volunteering, so she got to go to 4 movies for free

and she said i could go sit with her and brittany tonight

even thought i decided to go without shannon, but the tickets were sold out in distination this afternoon!!!

arghhh so i had to go 20 mins prior to the screening time which makes me not wanting to go at all

and after having super huge lunch with cass at 3 something

i felt so sick.. didn't want to go anywhere except my bed

ohh and the biggest point is.. i found the torrent for the movie :P

hopefully i got the right one and dl faster!!!!

Jan 21 Monday

i was all nervous about equip discussion group meeting that night

since this meeting is informal

cause i wanted to go to get to know people

and i wanted to talk so people can know more about me too

then i was so scared that ms. W would tell the others about my story

anyway i ran into her in the bookstore that afternoon

of course i said hi.. and asked her if she was going or not

i don't know this was stupid or smart!

ended up she didn't know about the meeting

it was like i invited the person i didn't want see in there

argghhhhh i was so mad at myself after talking to her!

anyhoo maybe we will become better friends later (-。－；)

then the night was super duper cool

i got to hear other people's experiences/stories

and i was glad i got to hear her story

it wasn't particular interesting, but yeah.. i will remember it :]

the best and bad thing was people had to leave at 6:30

so W didn't hear my story, and either did A

i still don't know it was good or bad that A didn't hear

-conclusion-

the discussion group went great!

i am glad i went and participated.