Monday, November 3, 1997
The Attitude
The following transcript for this episode is a modified version of the one produced by non. The originals are here for the first third, here for the second third, and here for the final third.
Chapter 1
Jason: ... well. I think we just have closing arguments and then it's a lock.
Ally: There he is again!
Renee: He's here all the time, Ally. He's a D.A.
Ally: Well, yes, which brings me back to why can't you introduce me?
Renee: I could introduce you but you want me to introduce you in a way that he doesn't know I'm introducing you. That makes it hard.
Ally: I could go to one of your office parties, maybe.
Renee: Office parties? We don't have office parties. Don't move. Don't turn around. Don't look. He's coming!
Ally: Here? To, to the elevator?
Renee: Block the door a little so it doesn't close.
Ally: How?
Renee: Quick! That'll do.
Jason: Are you okay?
Ally: Um, yeah. Fine.
Jason: Are you sure you're okay?
Ally: Yeah. Just caught me in the eyes...shoulder!
Jason: Hey, Renee.
Renee: Hi, Jason. This is Ally McBeal. Jason Roberts.
Ally: Hi.
Jason: Hi. I actually know who you are.
Ally: You do?
JAson: No, it's a good thing. I saw you in court last week and I asked.
Renee: Ally and I are roommates.
Jason: Really?
Renee: Oh, yeah. Girlfriends. Unmarried.
Jason: Aren't we all? Hard to meet people in this town.
Ally: Tell me about it.
Renee: And this is suddenly my floor. So, girlfriend, um, I'll see you later unless you make plans or something.
Jason: All the way to the bottom?
Ally: Uh, yeah. The bottom. That's where I'm going.
Jason: Ally?
Ally: Yeah?
Jason: You feel like getting dinner sometime?
Ally: [Thank god.] Sure.
Jason: Tonight?
Ally: Oh, um, tonight is... That would be great.
Jason: I'll call.
Ally: Great.
Jason: I'll, uh, call you this afternoon.
Ally: Excellent.
Chapter 2
Elain: It's a big big mistake. If you go home and change before, that tells him that he has the edge and he'll diddle with you.
Ally: But,but this doesn't really flatter me.
Elaine: He asked you out wearing that! This is fine. Do you get all pitted by the end of the day?
Ally: Not to my knowledge. Do I, Elaine?
Richard: Ally?
Ally: Oh!
Elaine: I have asked you not to walk up on her sudden like that.
Richard: I pop, Elaine. It's who I am.
Ally: Yes, well... Do you want something?
Richard: New case, small but possible business behind it. Karen Horwitz. Nice lady. Family money. She's suing her Rabbi. I told her you could handle it.
Ally: Suing her Rabbi for what?
Richard: I never get involved in the legals. She'll be here around 10:00. Thanks. Oh! Oh, that's all I have.
Georgia: What's going on?
Jerry: Georgia... Um... this is a diffcult situation. Um, you know my wife, Robbie?
Georgia: Sure.
Jerry: She doesn't like my working side by side with you.
Georgia: I'm sorry?
Jerry: She's an insecure woman. I mean, what can I say? There's nothing to justify her insecurity, but it's nevertheless real.
Georgia: What's the punch line here?
Jerry: I have nine litigation associates, but only one wife. And part of marriage is accommondating your partner's feelings even when they're unfounded. I'm transferring you to our corporate department.
Georgia: To corporate?
Jerry: Now if you'd prefer tax or real estate, we can work that out.
Georgia: I'm a litigator.
Jerry: I'm sorry.
Georgia: You're sorry? Your, your wife has an irrational jealousy, I get punished for it, and all you can say is you're sorry?
Chapter 3
Ally: I, I don't mean to be rude, Ms. Horwitz, but I just really don't understand.
Ms Horwitz: What's not to understand? My ex-husband's in a coma?
Ally: I understand the coma part. I just, why this makes you want to sue your Rabbi...
Ms Horwitz: I am scheduled to be remarried in three weeks. I have never been so happy in love in my life.
Ally: Aw... Mistletoe.
Ms Horwitz: You meant to say, "Mazel tov." Thank you. So, here's my problem. Though I am legally divorced from Ira, by Jewish law I'm still married, since he got hit by the bus before he could give me the Get. Without the Get, it's sort of a Jewish release, you see, I cannot remarry under Jewish law. Did you follow? I'm happy to repeat myself.
Billy: What if you refuse?
Georgia: He didn't give me the opportunity to refuse. He just said, "You're transferred and I'm sorry."
Billy: I'm sorry.
The Mail Girl: That's all right.
Billy: Ow! Georgia, that hurts!
Georgia: Yeah, I know. It hurts me to think about it. So, do I have a case in your opinion?
Billy: You're the expert on sex discrimination.
Georgia: I, I haven't been fired or docked. Just transferred. The guy has never harassed me. It has never been a bad place to work...
Billy: Still, he transferred you based on... Let's talk to the Biscuit.
Georgia: The what?
Billy: John Cage. He's the star on wrongful termination.
Georgia: I haven't been fired.
Billy: Even so, the same laws could apply.
Georgia: I, I can't believe this. How can this be? This is, this is just incredible.
Billy: Well, I know it's wrong completely, but a few weeks ago you wanted Ally transferred out of litigation here.
Georgia: That's different.
Ally: Just pop it.
Elaine:I don't want to pop it. It could swell. You don't want enlarged pores on a first date. There, I've diminished it.
Ally: What do you mean "diminished it"?
Elaine: I've diminished the pimple. It's not as big, it's less than, smaller, not as much, you know how Richard would put it? It's now a pimple deminimus. You look fab.
Richard: How did it go with Karen Horwitz?
Ally: Okay. I, I'm not sure we have a cause of action. But, but at least the Rabbi agreed to a meeting, and I'm on my way to his Temple to see him.
Richard: Good. And what are you up to?
Elaine: Ally has a date tonight. I'm minimizing her facial flaws.
Richard: Oh, great.
Elaine: I do good work.
Billy: I don't doubt we could make a case, but the damages would be pretty speculative.
Georgia: And I don't really want to sue 'couse, then what? I like this job. I don't want to worry about fallout.
Billy: Which makes me think a quiet meeting with this Burrows guy might be best.
Georgia: Nobody's gonna force this guy's hand. I know Jerry.
Billy: Which is why I'm thinking the "sword in the stone" approach. And there's nobody better than you at that, John. Can I set up a meeting?
John: You may. But first you meet with him again. Establish that your goal is to work it out. You won't be able to resolve it but I do not want him braced for hostility. Then I'll do my meeting.
Chapter 4
Ally: Can't you, you know, forget about the rule just this once?
Rabbi: Can't I forget about it just this once?
Ally: I, I don't mean to offend your religion, but certainly you can make an exception.
Rabbi: We don't do that. We don't just "modify" our faith to make it more popular.
Ally: You don't need to be condescending.
Rabbi: Well, forgive me. I'm not used to people bouncing in here, asking me to adjust Judaism.
Ally: I'm sorry. Um, I didn't mean, um... Look. Suppose we could show that Ira planned to grant the Get, which he did. It's just that he got hit by a bus before he could do it.
Rabbi: I'm afraid that doesn't help.
Ally: Why? These people want to get married and they can't. You know, this is really a silly rule. I'm sorry.
Rabbi: You come into my Temple and say it's a silly rule?
Ally: Well... Yes! I think it is not fair. If two people love each other and they want to get married, and they can't because of this, this silly rule? It's silly! And I don't care if you have the Torah and a bunch of Jewish hoopla to back it up.
Rabbi: Hoopla?
Ally: Well, what if this had happened to your wife? Suppose she'd had a former husband who was a vegetable. You wouldn't be married. Did you ever think of that?
Rabbi: I'm not married.
Ally: And you wonder why.
Rabbi: What? Are you always such a bitchy little thing?
Ally: Bitchy?
Rabbi: Coming in here, insulting the Talmud, insulting me...
Ally: What kind of a rabbi calls somebody bitchy?
Rabbi: I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
Ally: 'Cause I'm bitchy? God has no love for the bitchy?
Rabbi: Get out.
Ally: I'm going to tell you something. Just 'cause you wear that little thingie on your head and you have that big heavy scarf, it doesn't give you the right to be vicious.
Rabbi: Vicious?
Ally: Yes, vicious. You are a vicious Rabbi! And I am going to write a letter!
Chapter 5
Renee: You insulted a Rabbi?
Ally: Am I a bigot? It's just this seems so unfair and...
Elaine: I think you're prone to overreactions when the issues involve matters of the heart.
Ally: Thank you Elaine.
Elaine: Karen Horwitz called. She's on her way.
Ally: Oh, great. Oh, how am I going to... I... I'm blotchy. You blotched me.
Elaine: I did not.
Ally: It's red here. Look!
Elaine: I didn't do that.
Ally: Oh, no. My face just happens to get red in the same spot that you minimized a pimple. Look at this red spot! Does that look less than, not as much, reduced?
Renee: Calm down.
Ally: What calm down. I look like Gorbachev. I have a first date tonight with a very good-looking guy, and I look like a dead president from Russia. This is just rich!
Richard: I got a call from the Anti-Defamation League. Did you go sicko on a Rabbi?
Ally: Did I go "sicko"?
Richard: He said you marched into his Temple all anti-Semitic.
Ally: Oh, that little liar. That... I just criticized one tiny little Jewish law and, a big one for Karen Horwitz and, and... I'm sorry. And maybe I was out of line. I, I, I'm so embarrassed.
Richard: Huh, I can tell. Part of your face is turning red.
Ally: Whoof...oh...
Elaine: That wasn't helpful. Is Gorbachev dead?
Jerry: Georgia, put yourself in my shoes. This affects my kids. If my marriage is strained...
Georgia: I'm not saying I don't sympathize. But maybe the first step should be for you and your wife to get counseling. Not to transfer me. This is not my problem.
Jerry: No, look, I'm not going to argue the merits of it. I know you win on that score. I... All I'm saying... If working with a beautiful woman jeopardizes my family, my family comes first.
Georgia: I've retained a lawyer.
Jerry: Georgia, I could have said you were being transferred to help the corporate department. I could have said the partners wanted to thin out litigation. I could have made up any excuse. Do you think I wanted to tell the truth to you? But I did so because I have always been honest with you.
Georgia: And I admire your honesty, Jerry. But it is still wrong for me to get punished for your wife's problem.
Jerry: So, you're suing me?
Georgia: I hope not. I'd like you to meet with my lawyer, though.
Jerry: Fine. Fine.
Chapter 6
Renee: It's already less red.
Ally: It is not. It's just that the rest of my face is more red because I'm so upset.
Elaine: Bad news, good news, and potentially horrendous news, whichever order you'd like.
Ally: Let's go in that order.
Elaine: That would be my choice. The bad news is Karen Horwitz has returned, looking a little like my dog Pupple before we put him to sleep for rabies. The good news is this Jason Roberts really is interested. And the potentially horrendous news is that he's here in person right now to confirm tonight's date.
Ally: He's here? With, with my face like this?
Elaine: I'd tell him it's a Rorschach's test for love.
Renee: Hahaha. That was really good.
Ally: Tell Karen that, that I'll be in a minute. And, and, and tell Jason that, that I'm in a meeting.
Elaine: You can't snub him.
Renee:Just poke your head out. Tell him you're tied up.
Ally: He'll see my face.
Renee: Do it quick!
Ally: Jason, hey!
Jason: Hey, Ally.
Ally: Uh, look, I'm in the middle of a meeting right now, and I really can't get out of it. But I'm looking forward to tonight.
Jason: Oh, great. Um, I was thinking that I might pick you up right here, say, 7:30?
Ally: Fabulous! I can't wait.
Jason: Okay. Um, 7:30 then.
Ally: 7:30. Bye.
Karen: You ruined me!
Ally: Karen, come on in. Elaine, Renee, I'll, I'll catch you later.
Elaine: Would you like me to stay?
Ally: Just this one time? No!
Karen: One of the reasons I came to you is because I regard Jewish customs seriously.
Ally: I tried to gently persuade him.
Karen: I have been invited to leave the Synagogue altogether.
Ally: Excuse me?
Karen: He said it was one thing to sick a lawyer on him, yet another to send somebody who didn't like men, and still yet another to hire a Jew hater. And to wrap all three of them up in one waify little package.
Ally: He called me "waify"?
Karen: Oh, great! Make it about you. I'm the one that's been expelled!
Ally: Karen! Karen! I, I will talk to this, this, this...
Karen: Rabbi.
Ally: Rabbi. And I promise you, not only will you get back into that Synagogue, I will make sure that you get married! And this is a promise from me to you.
Karen: You don't have to worry about the "Get" business anymore. Ira died last night, so I'm free to marry again.
Ally: Oh! He died?!
Karen: In his sleep.
Ally: Oh, well, um, um...
Karen: Mistletoe. Yes, dear. Thank you. But even still, I would like to be married in my own Temple, and I can't very well do that expelled!
Ally: I will talk to Rabbi Stern. I will apologize. And I will make this all go away. I promise!
Chapter 7
Jerry: Could I offer you something to drink?
John: No, thank you. I actually had a small Sprite in your lobby. It refreshed me.
Jerry: Good. Look, I know how, how delicate this situation is and I'm prepared to make it my responsibility to see to it that her partnership track is not interrupted. Her future here is, it's solid. She's a great, great lawyer. I mean, everybody here knows it.
John: I find myself deeply troubled.
Jerry: Well, I, I tried to tell Georgia...
John: It would be unfair for me to negotiate while troubled. I'm less receptive to compromise. I'll call to reschedule.
Billy: And he just walked out?
Georgia: According to Jerry. Is, is this guy all there?
Billy: The Biscuit? He's there. He just works differently. John, how did it go?
John: I suspect intransigence. This won't be easy.
Georgia: I tried to tell you that.
John: Georgia. I want you to think very hard as to what you really want.
Georgia: I want my old job back in litigation.
John: Please don't rush with your answers.
Billy: He works differently.
Georgia: How....
Chapter 8
Ally: So, now I have another meeting with the Rabbi to try to persuade him to take her back into the Synagogue. And that's the thing about me. I make all my clients forget about all their troubles by giving them bigger ones. (Don't try to be funny. I hate myself funny.)
Jason: By the end of the month she'll be remarried and everything will be fine.
Ally: (This guy has future written all over him.) So, um, did you become a DA right out of law school?
Jason: Almost. Worked at the Justice Department for a year. Then I switched. I wanted the trial experience.
Ally: What?
Jason: Um... I was just thinking about something else.
Ally: Something else? About the law?
Jason: Yeah. This 10b-5 stock fraud. You know how thrilling those cases can be.
Ally: Oh, Yeah, I, I get tingles.
Jason: I still haven't figured out a way to prosecute them. I guess the object in those cases is just probably to try to keep the jury awake. I mean, the worst thing about being a D.A. is the sense of futility, I suppose.
Ally: Oh, yeah. (Get that gunk off your face! Oh, thank God!) Um, you, you have, have a little...
Jason: Oh, thanks. I mean, I'm not really in favor of the three strikes law. But it's frustrating, you know?
Ally: (It's all one big giant conspiracy.)