Chapter 9
Renee: So, you're not gonna date him?
Ally: I have a thing about first impressions. I will forever see him as salad dressing face.
Renee: Ally.
Ally: It, it's not a criticism of him. It's me. I need therapy. I know it.
Renee: Salad dressing?
Ally: I might have been able to get past the first little drip, but the second one was a gob, a big gob of gooey, creamy Italian. It will forever be etched on his face. Forever and ever and ever.
Renee: You have such a talent for ruling guys out.
Ally: You just blew off a guy last week for neck hair.
Renee: Well, I wouldn't have if I could have wiped it off with a napkin. The truth is, you missed a giant opportunity.
Ally: I did?
Renee: Yes. You could have blotted his chin. A little touch. Physical affection. And it's maternal. Guys love that. Whenever I'm attracted to a guy, I hope and pray he's got a crumb or something on his face.
Ally: I would love to talk more, but I'm late for temple.
Renee: Alone. Forever. You. Alone.
Georgia: I know my answer may have seemed rushed. But I really do want to stay where I am, doing what I'm doing. I'd like everything to stay the same.
John: And, unfortunately, that is the one option which is unavailable to you.
Billy: Why?
John: We could perhaps get her job back in litigation by pressuring him. But it won't be the same. It'll be different from Burrows' perspective. It will be different from yours. You'd have all the security of a network executive. That is the reality. The reality of suing him is even worse.
Georgia: How so? How so?
John: I'm collecting an errant thought. Should you prevail in a lawsuit, and it's my feeling you would, you'd get money. But as far as future employment, nobody, nobody will hire a pretty young woman, fresh on the heels of a sex discrimination suit. Like it or not, you would be unhirable. Uh, that's not a real word, I use it anyway, which give you an idea as to how severely it applies.
Georgia: Well, then, what do you suggest I do?
John: Accept the transfer. Go to corporate. Call a headhunter and update your resume.
Georgia: What?! That sucks!
John: Well, that's not the word I would use, but it is a real one.
Georgia: I, I'm not going to corporate.
John: Pragmatically....
Georgia: I hate that word "pragmatic"!
John: Georgia, may I take your hand? As a woman, I'd say sue. But I'm not a woman... That's not where I was going but I got boxed in by my poor choice of syntax. Look, you can make a point for womankind. Or you can do what's probably best in your own self interests.
Georgia: I, I want to sue. If it means not working there, fine. I won't sit back and take this.
John: Splendid.
Chapter 10
Ally: I'm normally a calm person. But when you call me things like what? "Jew-hater," "man-hater," and, and there was a third.
Rabbi: "Lawyer."
Ally: Yeah, that in a pejorative way. It's not in me to let that go. It's only because of Karen Horwitz that I have decided to come here conciliatory.
Rabbi: This is you conciliatory?
Ally: Well, you said very bad things about me. Very bad.
Rabbi: You said bad things about Judaism. You called it "Hoopla."
Ally: I did not call it "Hoo.." Oh... I, I just meant that a person shouldn't, you know, be denied the right to get married just because of a little custom that came about before the wheel.
Rabbi: Oh, well, if you'd put it that way I wouldn't have taken offense.
Ally: I'm sorry. I... I, I do these things. I have a habit of saying the wrong thing when I'm upset. I mean, if you could fill this room with everybody I've offended, people would probably think you're a much better Rabbi than you are. And... Here's the deal. When people are together or they're about to get married and something happens to keep them apart, it, it pushes a button. Now, if I came on aggressive, I really apologize. I just hope you don't punish Karen. She's very devoted to you and the Synagogue. She really is.
Rabbi: I understand. I do. But you came here as her agent, acting within the scope of that agency, therefore your actions run to her accountability.
Ally: Where do you come up with these jingles?
Rabbi: I must have hit the bitchy button.
Ally: Two people want to get married,
Rabbi: Oh, I must have pushed ...
Ally: and all you can do is fire of slogans!
Rabbi: the conciliatory button again.
Ally: What the hell is the deal here?
Rabbi: You are a rude, rude little woman,
Ally: If she doesn't get a "Get" you lose funding?
Rabbi: and I'd be vulgar,
Ally: Is common sense pinched off by that...
Rabbi: if I weren't standing so close to The Ark.
Ally: thing on your head?
Rabbi: Did you just say to me something like, "is common sense pinched off by that thing on my head"?
Ally: That was a slip. What?
Rabbi: Oh...
Ally: I demand to know what part of me you're laughing at.
Rabbi: Let me just say... Let me just say, I'm going to assume that Karen's hiring of you says something about her. You tell her she's welcome here. And I would be glad to do the ceremony.
Ally: Is this a trick? Is this some sort of trickery, you being nice? (I hate it when I don't know what I've done, especially when it's something good.) I demand to know why you are pleased with me!
Chapter 11
Richard: Hey, John. How's it going?
John: Unacceptable.
Richard: Forgive my snooping. I just had to get a glimpse of your pre-game regimen. Not that I learned much. Are you ready?
John: I am.
Billy: He's in there, waiting.
Georgia: Good luck, John. Sometimes he can scream.
Elaine: The room is ready. The water has been chilled to 41 degrees.
John: Thank you for agreeing to meet me.
Jerry: Uh, look, Mr. Cage, litigators have various techniques for distracting opponents but please. Huh, look, I've been around a long time. Perhaps we could sit closer.
John: I sit here as if to suggest the room is full.
Jerry: But it isn't.
John: The next meeting it will be. These chairs will be filled with your fellow partners. The people whose eyes you look into more than any others for respect, acceptance.
Jerry: They, uh, know the situation, but an excellent idea.
John: Well, they may know the facts, Mr. Burrows, but they've only heard you tell them. My presentation may be less exonerating. My presentation may have the added impact of, well, presentation. One if made in front of a jury would incur embarrassment not just to you but to your entire firm, a firm that, and correct me if I'm wrong, cherishes reputation, flaunts it for recruitment purposes. It would be painful to have these allegations levied against you before a jury in an open forum. It would be excruciating to bear them in a room filled with colleagues who consider you a friend, colleagues who trusted you with preserving the integrity of a franchise they've all committed themselves to deeply. Look at yourself through their eyes, Mr. Burrows, and hear the truth. You hurt a young woman at the bequest of a jealous wife. Your partnership earnings together with bonuses totaled $972,000 last year. That's quite a bit of money, Mr. Burrows. But it's only money. And for a man who prioritizes family, money really is only money. So, it becomes a smaller sacrifice to give some of it to Georgia Thomas, in exchange for your right to, uh, spare embarrassment to your wife, your children, to spare ridicule to a firm devoted to its high brow pedigree of principle. You want to dismiss today's meeting to one litigator's technique. You may do so, Mr. Burrows, but at enormous personal and professional peril. Fortunately you have a very easy out here. Money.
Chapter 12
Ally: Rabbi! Hi!
Rabbi: The wedding is on. In my Synagogue. I'll be doing the service.
Ally: That's great.
Rabbi: Can I steal a second?
Ally: Sure.
Elaine: Snappish!
Rabbi: Listen, I, uh, apologize for laughing back at the Temple. But I have to say... The thing I hate most about being a rabbi is how everyone tip-toes around me. Friends I grew up with suddenly became embarrassed to say a dirty word in front of me. I found it refreshing how you were so willing to be obnoxious. Thank you.
Ally: Oh. Anytime.
Rabbi: Listen, would you like to come to the wedding as my date?
Ally: Oh, God no. I mean... What would God think you showing up with a Methodist? I.... It, it's just that three weeks are long ways off and I might be in a relationship by then. God willing. My God. I'm sorry. Here I go. I.... Look, I've been having kind of a weird stretch and, and last week I gave mouth-to-mouth to a huge person who thought it was a "Snow White" thing in reverse. And he asked me out. And then I finally met somebody I could like, and he had creamy Italian. And now, I insult Judaism and I get hit on by a rabbi. And something tells me that I just probably shouldn't date, until the world begins to make sense again.
Rabbi: You could have just said, "No, thank you."
Ally: You're right. Ask me again.
Ally: I don't have my mental health. I don't have my mental health. I don't have my mental health. I don't have my....
Georgia: This will probably teach me to lock the door. Don't get up?
Ally: I would, but I'm lacking the words, Georgia. I'm also lacking any feeling in my feet. This happens sometimes when I'm embarrassed.
Georgia: Is there any way I can help?
Ally: No, I will be getting up now. I apologize.
Georgia: Okay.
Ally: It was good to see you.
Georgia: You, too.
Ally: You might think there's an explanation, but you would be wrong.
Chapter 13
Georgia: That thing is giving me a headache.
Billy: Relax, Georgia.
Georgia: Billy.
Billy: Georgia.
Georgia: Billy. Don't tell me to relax. I know Jerry Burrows. When you tell him he can't win, he digs in.
John: Which is why we're all ready for this meeting.
Georgia: Are we ready?
Billy: Yes, we are.
Renee: I'm tired of your excuses, girl. You got all these excuses.
Ally: I don't have any excuses. It's just....
Renee: They're either too fat, too Jewish, too much chin dressing. You go cold on guys 'cause it's your nature. You need a new attitude.
Ally: Would you go out with a Rabbi?
Renee: I might.
Ally: I seriously doubt it. Don't usher me. Oh! Oh!
Renee: Later.
Jason: Ally?
Ally: Jason, hey, how are you?
Jason: Great. You're looking good this morning.
Ally: So are you.
Jason: I had a good time the other night.
Ally: Me, too.
Jason: Do you want to try it again some time?
Ally: Um...
Jason: Uh, whatever. We don't need to make plans today.
Ally: Okay.
Ally: Um, don't ask me to explain that. It's, it's just, uh.... You know, actually I am going to explain it. I'm interested, but that salad dressing on your face the other night... The image keeps sticking with me, so I needed to do something to pre-empt it. And now I have. I have wiped the slate and your face clean. Call me. Nice kiss, by the way.
Elaine: You just did that?
Ally: It was so out of my character. I think that's why I enjoyed it.
Elaine: What a story. I can't wait to embellish it.
Ally: What's going on in there?
Elaine: The big meeting.
Chapter 14
Jerry: I thought real hard about your presentation, Mr. Cage. And I don't doubt the efficacy of your delivery. But you know what? I sense a waning public appetite with sex discrimination laws.
John: Do you?
Jerry: Yeah. I think these safeguards insult women, make them look weak, even. I also sense a waning appetite with people who sue who haven't really been hurt.
Georgia: I haven't been hurt? I get flipped over to corporate where I proof-read leverage buyout contracts.
Jerry: You weren't fired. You weren't demoted. Your salary is exactly the same.
Georgia: I got kicked out of my department because your wife thought I was too pretty! You're gonna argue that in court?
Jerry: No. I plan to champion it because I'm willing to bet that a jury won't hate a man that puts his family before his job.
Billy: You put your family before her job!
Jerry: Yes, I did. And here's the bottom line. There are no compensatory damages here. She's not out of pocket. All you have are possible punitives. That means you have to get a jury to not like me. And hey, I'll take that bet.
Billy: We could plead emotional distress.
Jerry: Oh, please do that. I would love it. The beautiful blonde is emotionally distressed. You do that.
Georgia: You think I won't get you, Jerry...
Billy: I will judge you...
Jerry: Don't yell at me!
Billy: I will yell! I might even kick your ass right in this room!
John: All right. Would you excuse us?
Billy: No, I will not excuse you.
Georgia: No, I won't. This is my case, my life!
Billy: I will stay right here in this room.
John: Please just give us two minutes.
Richard: Well, how did it go?
Georgia: Good, I think.
Billy: We did our part.
Richard: The Biscuit will bring it home. Trust me.
John: Hey, interesting, uh, defense strategy. I'm tempted to incorporate that into another case I'm defending where the, where the issue is similar. The appeal to family, I like that. You're to be commended.
Jerry: Oh, thank you.
John: Yeah, I agree, actually, the successful prosecution of our claim here is by no means a guarantee. As you can see, I'm dealing with very emotional clients. I mean, the prospect of losing is no deterrent. They're determined to see this through, whatever the cost.
Jerry: Hm... Yeah, but can they afford the cost? I mean, young kids, mortgage to pay...
John: Well, it's where I'm sort of helping them out. Since Billy's a member of the firm, this case is on the house. And given that, given their outrage, no, we can't count on practicality to ever figure into their thinking. Yeah... And as inventive as that, uh, family defense is, and again, I like it, uh, we both know in the end, you'd probably lose. Yeah, it'd probably look bad. Well, yesterday I got to do my little dance. Today it was your turn to play peacock. Now, it's time to do what we lawyers always do in the end. We pick a number.
Rabbi: Ms. McBeal. How delightful to see you.
Ally: Call me Ally. And that was snide.
Rabbi: I'm sorry. I just had this sudden fear that you now have a client who likes ham, and you're here asking me to waive that stupid little kosher thing.
Ally: Actually, I've come here to ask you out on a date.
Rabbi: What are you up to?
Ally: Nothing. I, I've just been thinking. And see, I am so indifferent to every man I meet these days. It's rare that one comes along who I could so immediately dislike. So, I figure there must be something behind that.
Rabbi: This is how you ask me out?
Ally: Look, they, they say you're not supposed to be honest with men, 'cause the truth is so detrimental to their image. But I am just gonna lay this out. You and I... It's probably like mayonnaise on brisket, but I've decided to make an adjustment in my social life.
Rabbi: What do you mean "adjustment"?
Ally: I have decided to juggle. Instead of waiting for Mr. Right, I'm gonna take chances on Mr. Not Likelys on the theory of "who knows"?
Rabbi: Juggle?
Ally: Yes. And I would like you to be one of the balls I keep up in the air.
Chapter 15
Georgia: It's taking a lot of time.
Richard: Ah, he doesn't like to rush.
Georgia: Oh, he, he doesn't like to rush. You know, it, it doesn't give me great confidence. Don't "Georgia" me!
Billy: I didn't say anything.
Georgia: You were about to! Oh... I, I have put my whole career in the hands of, of, of Bagpipe Biscuit who doesn't even look at people when he talks.
John: $311,000. End of business.
Georgia: Uh, payable to me?
John: Today.
Billy: $300,000?
John: And eleven. $311,000.
Billy: How did...
Georgia: I'm rich! I mean, I can... Student loans! Gone! Uh, car payments! Gone! Billy!
Richard: Gone! I'm kidding. Just kidding.
John: Look, it is conditioned on you being out in two weeks. That is a concern. Even though this is all sealed, there are leaks. And when you're out of a job it is difficult to find a new one.
Richard: She, she, she'll work here!
Billy & Georgia: What?
Richard: She, she'll work here while she looks. We, we could use the talent and she'd be able to interview from strength.
Georgia: Really?
Richard: Well, I mean, if it's okay with Billy. Some men don't like to work side by side with the ball and chain. That's your call.
Billy: I think it's great! Do it!
Georgia: You... Oh, well, you, you, you don't have to do all of this for me.
Richard: Georgia, you're a great lawyer. This is good for us. Helping people is never more rewarding than when it's in your own self interest. Look there, you just got your first Fishism! Welcome, family! Yeah!
Richard: To Georgia. Welcome aboard.
Elaine: Yes. Welcome, Georgia.
Georgia: Oh, thank you. Thank you.
Elaine: And how about our Biscuit?
Richard: To John.
Georgia: Yes, to John.
Renee: So, you kiss Dip-Chin and tell the Rabbi you wanna juggle his...
Ally: Renee, it's the new me. You were right. I have got to start ruling men in. I have Roberts on Tuesday, the Rabbi on Thursday, "Chicago Hope" in between. I have a life.
Renee: This Rabbi is conservative. He can't intermarry, you do know this?
Ally: I don't convert on the first date. And besides, this is exactly my point. I am not looking for a lifetime. I am looking for a fun Tuesday night.
Renee: That would be fine if you were capable of fun.
Ally: Well, I am! Ally McBeal, man-eater. I like it.
Georgia: Ally.
Ally: Georgia.
Georgia: You're the one person I haven't run this by, my joining the firm.
Ally: I think it's great.
Georgia: Well, it's, you know, it's probably only temporary. Just a few months until....
Ally: Georgia. Here's a hot flash. I like you. I'm glad. Just lock the door in the...
Georgia: I will.
Elaine: I have a dance with the Biscuit.
John: Out of courtesy. She asked. I'm not moved by the music.
Ally: Ah.
Billy: All new associates have to dance with me.
Georgia: Oh, really?
Ally: I did.
Renee: Ally, he's mine. They're yours.
Ally: Let's go.
Ally: (They say it's all in the attitude. And mine has changed. And I can tell. This time it's going to last. Maybe even a week.)