theonion.com
 
新しい証拠が、ウサマ・ビンラーデンは9/11の攻撃には関与していなかったことを明らかにしたので、CIAは死後の謝罪をした。
LANGLEY, VA—Admitting that the organization had erroneously rushed to judgment in response to an unimaginable tragedy, CIA director Gina Haspel issued a posthumous apology Wednesday to the family of Osama bin Laden in light of new evidence which conclusively clears the former Al Qaeda leader of anany involvement whatsoever in the 9/11 attacks. “The U.S. Central Intelligence Agency extends its most sincere and heartfelt apologies not only to Mr. bin Laden, but also to his grieving family and the many friends who stood by his side,” said an emotional Haspel, acknowledging for the first time that the CIA had based its entire 9/11 investigation on the testimony of a single, questionably reliable eyewitness who later recanted.