i can't decide if this life given to us in this world is a gift or not. There's plenty ways of living it, with various people in it. With actually really few things we can decide, i believe. I'm only 19 though still a teenage*wink wink*. i should somehow figured it out how to live right...
In fact i wake up with lots of questions mark in my head every morning. My parents often tell me to focus on today. I know this is what should i do but i can't help but feeling numb if i don't want to cry everyday. I must be thankful though that i have now a path on me. I just have to wait for a week... Until my school actually start. So i'll finally be able to activate my studentship. Then i'd apply for passport and when it's finally in my hands, i could go for a holiday-figuring out how to study in abroad(especially the country i want to study in) to my cousins place netherlands.
We'll go with my mother(insallah) to figure out the exact living cost in Belgium. Also get informed about the parttime jobs and things about studying abroad.I really, really waited for 2.5months for this trip. In fact even even more but let's skip it.
It's actually exciting and scary in lots of meanings. I pray to god that FUND won't be a big problem when i start to study because either way i already decided, there's no coming back after all of this...
but it should be okay, i worked like an adult for 9months for it after all. I always thank my god about it, i managed to make some money. It feels like it's never enough though.. After all, we're 3 sisters whose really important stage in their life and we all need money. I'm also their daughter they responsible with that!! I know but... life doesn't work this way... Although they pay for my older sister, going to abroad and studying there sounds.. kind of extra right..? I know, that's why i worked and still planning to work with the time left in here. But i must tell you zera it was really REALLY scary to work like adult does. Waking up at 6 everyday(in the first half even 5), everyday 8am meetings, that bastard man used to yell at me everytime front of everyone. People, MEN looking at me like a woman and not a 18yrs old freshman young lady!!
But i accepted the things how they were, at the end i was working there to make money just like anyone else, also they payed me well so i should be patient. I had dreams, big dreams. I felt like studying in here would give me anything better so working at a this early age would pay me someday...
This is where the things get unfair though. The things i dream to reach one day and work hard for, actually super easy for some same-aged people with me. Now that you know, i'm not be able to study abroad this year but next year so i'll have to sit in the house ( i obviously plan to work so it'll won't be a waste -good, i never believe that things happens for a waste-) and these other people in my age will be actually started without nothing to think of. Their parents will work for them, to find the best education, then again their parents will do with the fund. The only thing they has to do is playing around and make sure they look good with plenty of merchs they have from their liked artists and shows that i can't even imagine to have it.
It's okay tho right? hahah. My god gave me this power instead. I feel like anything can be done if god wants it ,,
i can't never give up being a believer.
One of my biggest chances are my friends. My bestfriend who's just like me(we have confused minds right now hahah) we never stopped supporting each other. I would fire her if she ever talks about giving up and i know she'd do the same for me, she does the same for me. Talking with her, knowing i got someone next to me who's looking at the world with the same aspects like me.. is the biggest blessing. Same beliefs, same hobbies, same tastes and goals just finding all of them in a one person, is such a blessing alone.
Know that thinking everything actually happening slowly. It's happening slow but its happening!!
My beloved friend already went to study in Italy that we used to talk excited about it. It's happening for her!
ALSO my bestie is about to go abroad for study too!! www it's hard to believe that it's so.. SOON??!?
Ahhhh i'm really rooting for us everyday. Who already decided changing this not wanting possible future of ours for better and fight for it!!
Because if you feel something, you feel it right.. There's no coming back and you can never lie to yourself.
So i believe that this life given to us in this world is not a gift but the blessings, the relationships, having this strong wills to live in a unique way and capacity to fight for them is our very personal gift.