Even as a Life Coach, I have my challenges with my three teens. Talking and having regular conversations is the crucial element for effective parenting. When I had the same stuck state with my youngest child now 14, simply this morning. I attempted to remain as calm as I can. I was grieving how I entered into this stuck state. She seemed to be venting about how irritating I was. When I asked her what was the irritating part, she might not connect to the particular events.
Understanding
She shared that when she talk to me, she felt that I believed it was a wild-goose chase and leave. It's so interesting to hear how she perceive what I do. When I hear her tone of voice that sounded angry, I stroll away thinking she positive parenting teenagers did not need an response from me and likewise. I did not wish to stay in that energy and get set off into being angry myself. We spoke about facial expressions and tone of voice. She felt that she was not angry. We had various understanding and point of view. The advantage was we were speaking our minds.
Empathise
What she wanted from me was to empathise by saying "Relax. relax, each time when she grumble about something or is stressed out." All she wanted is for me to listen right through and comfort her! That was an insight, a tip not to be upset by her tone of voice or venting. Not to believe that she desires a solution. That was a mini-revelation.
Comprehending each other
I stated to her that it is extremely essential to keep having a discussion like this so that we get to understand each other better. We do have downs and ups , and there is no caution. We talked a bit about my menopause and her hormonal agents modifications. How these changes in our body can play havoc to our moods. The most crucial is to go back to the essentials. Just exercise and let the hormones balance. The other important thing is to let and forgive go of our previous stories so that we don't spiral into drama.
The downs and ups becomes part of the journey which's how we change, grow and learn . By continuing to talk, have dialogues like this, that is the trick to effective parent and teens relationships. Relationships are established through the effort we put into our interactions. Understanding what each other is believing.
Do not bring your function from work to house
she stated, "There is no such thing as ideal parent." I absolutely agreed with her. She included, "I just desire you to be a regular parent." I was questioning what is a normal parent. Then she said, "Just like when you are a principal, when you go home don't become a principal, so stringent with your kids." Ha! I got it. She stated, "Don't bring your training thing house." We just don't wish to hear you coaching us. Thanks for reminding me!
Positive Feedback
I showed her that I am extremely happy with her, highlighting how she have checklists for her to-do-list. How she kept to her word. When she speak calmly, I like it. The ending was sweet. She fried omelet for me. My feedback to her was that this small gesture revealed that she looks after me and I am really grateful, I like it. Time to celebrate.
Simply this early morning when I had the very same stuck state with my youngest daughter now 14. I was grieving how I got into this stuck state. When I asked her what was the irritating part, she could not relate to the specific occurrences.
Just exercise and let the hormones balance. We just do not desire to hear you coaching us.