2026 has started,
jauary always seems to be one of if not thr hardest month of the year, I don't know why but it has always been that way well aside from last year when I got to save & go to the circus aside from that, my birthday is lonely I have no friends close by & online friends are busy so no one to do things with, tho some friends were very kind & got me wonderful gifts that I do love honest, I just wish I could spend time with them, oh well hopefully someday they will be less busy
Fab not much to say still feeling lonely, dad got sick and made sure me & my mom got sick so have been dealing with that as well,
I have been thinking alot about my life & what I want from life, and I want so much more then the life I have now, I want a home where I am feel safe & wanted, I want to live my life for me, I don't want to work on my dad's house anymore, I never did, even tho i have been working on his house my whole but I don't care about his house I mean after all I am always told that I am guest in it & nothing more, I don't want that anymore, last year a long time friend gave me a offer to have freedom by paying for me to move where they live & stay with them till I get on my feet, at the time I did not take it coz I was worry about my mom, I am still worry about my mom but no matter what I do she won't leave and life isn't a forever thing so even tho it will be painful to leave my mom & sadly Owen too as I have no way of taking him with me, but I know my mom will take care of Owen,
so the idea is to leave this May or June, I will slowly start packing next week & giving away what I can't take & that will sadly be most things but it is ok as the things that mean the most to me will be coming, I know all of this will be scary & hard but I think in the end I will be happier plus I will have Vlanders with me every step of the way
I will be streaming all of this month tho after that it will be random,
and to my friend who asked how can I keep going when things are awful, I just want things to get better for myself, to be honest it is not like I think I deserve it, I just want it maybe in a selfish? not sure but still I do & I keep going to try & get it
