Hope and despair

When I was a child, I thought that hope and despair are special things in the life. Hope is chocolate in the accident in snowy mountain, and despair is my falimily's, best friend's or boyfriend's death. All of them must rarely happen to me, though they happen frequently in TV dramas, comics and novels.
However, now hope and despair easily approach me by turns. When I make mistake in my work, someone speaks evil of me, or I feel really lonely, I seriously feel despair. When I think about my family, or someone express affection to me, I cannot abandon hope to human. I'm exhausted of that. Maybe I should not expect too much to others.

My pure pleasures

I love sunny morning. It helps me to accept both good and bad things happened yesterday.
I also like eating. It gives me energy willy-nilly ("willy-nilly" means "whether one likes it or not". This word's sound is funny, isn't it?). When I feel depressed, the earliest way to recover is eating or sleeping, even though I tend not to have appetite in such circumstance.
Also, I like reading a book. During reading, I can forget everything since my consciousness flies into the story.
My pure pleasures. I love them. How about yours?

To keep being strong-willed

I'm now believing that I can overcome
everything including today's work, grouchy supervisor's irritation and tiredness after work. However, I usually cannot keep such will
during a whole day. As I concentrate on the
task, I tend to forget the consciousness that I don't have to be restrained by work too much.When I forget that, the tasks change into
most important thing for me. Then, I cannot
no longer overcome tiredness after work.
I think the clues to devote on the work too
much are others's irritations and my own
mistakes. When I'm facing to them, I feel
very sorry for them, and Im urged to devote
everything I have, including energy for my
own life.
How can I save the energy to keep my own
willing?

Usual morning

I left textbooks of TOEIC at home, so I'm bored while I'm getting on the train. Today, it's sunny. I'm happy since I couldn't wash my clothes for some days because of rainy season. Today I washed them and dried outside.
I'm a little bit sleepy, but not feeling bad. I know that I will never be challenged in today's tasks. Challenging always makes me scared though it's most important opportunity to gain experience and to improve my skill I think.
I will study tonight after work. I think it's important to stuck small efforts to study English.

Initiation

Almost all of the people who are in society hide their actual temperament because it is necessary for them to get along well with other people, and to keep their organization. Of course they used to behave naturally when they were children, but at some point they decided to hide their natural temperament, and started to perform role society expect them to play. Since at that moment, they began to be called “adults”.
Actually, I have the same feeling as you have. I don’t want to hide my actual temperament and I don’t want to play an imposed role. In this sense, neither you nor I am adults.
It is “initiation” that changes children to adults. However, someone said that modern society doesn't have initiation system (This is the theme of my graduation thesis).
So we should make our own initiation by ourselves.