Hands down, they are the most selfish people on the planet. Not to mention, greedy, manipulative, dishonest and exploitative.
Every single moment of every single day is centred around their thoughts, their demands, their ways, their lifestyles, their needs, and their opinions.
They live, breathe, and think about how to fulfill their own agendas above anything else. The thought of them putting someone else before them is something they just won’t ever consider. Actually, the thought of them being equal to people, or putting their partners, friends or families needs above their own is like suicide for them.
They keep people around that give them unlimited praise, attention, benefits and compliments. They will contribute little to zero in return, and the only time they will put any “effort” into anything is if there is something of benefit to them. Otherwise you can forget about having a mutually compromising relationship. As long as you are with a narcissist, say goodbye to your identity, wants, feelings, needs, opinions, desires, beliefs, self-respect and your dignity. The person you were before you met the narcissist is no longer the person you will recognize when you look at your own reflection. Your entire existence is to serve them, bow down to them, answer to them, defend them, enable them and do as they say, when they say it.
They live with the mentality “what’s mine is mine, what’s yours is mine.” This is literally how they think and operate. They are so selfish that they will use up all the money that you work so hard for and expect you to spend it on them. Any money that they earn is theirs and they won’t be told what to do with it. Any money that you earn is also theirs and they will decide what you do with it. You won’t even have control of your own money that you worked hard and sacrificed for. They will also rarely help with financial obligations, and would rather impulsively and irresponsibly spend their dollars on partying, gambling, alcohol, drugs, and sex workers. They will even take another supply out on a date with your money and could care less about it! The new supply that they are taking out and love-bombing has no idea that they have a significant other waiting at home for them that also paid for their night out. They will have no remorse about having sex with someone else and then crawling back into their comfy bed snuggled up next to the person that does everything for them. They will carelessly spend and spend without thinking about all the debt they are incurring. Why? Because it’s your responsibility to pay it off while they get off completely unscathed without having to take any accountability or make any sacrifices on their end.
They will selfishly try to ruin your closest relationships with your friends or attractive family members because they will try to seduce and have sex with them. They will selfishly flirt with other people in front of you with no regard for how humilated and upset you are. They will have no problem trying to hook up with someone else when you are in the same room, in fact the thought of them making someone jealous turns them on, so it entices them even more to see how much they can get away with and play around with others knowing you are completely loyal and committed to them. They love pushing your buttons! It’s honestly so sick and sadistic how low they will go to see someone hurt and confused without having any care at all about how distraught you are.
They will selfishly leave you in a heartbeat when something more enticing comes along. This could be someone they met online, perhaps it’s a coworker, a neighbour, a random person they met at a bar, club or the gym, maybe it’s a stripper or an escort that they have been having sex with behind your back. Maybe it’s the teenager working at the fast food restaurant. Maybe it’s the old widow, or they are having sex with someone who is married. They have no standards or boundaries. Nothing and nobody is off limits to them. It doesn’t matter how much you invested into them, or how nice, or beautiful of a person you are, or how long you have known them or been there for them, they will constantly be switching up their supplies because they get bored on the regular. They are continuously searching for new people to engage with, while also reaching out to former supplies from their past that they have managed to manipulate for so long. Loyalty and commitment are foreign words to them; concepts they can’t simply understand. One moment they could be living with you, sharing your home, planning a future together and then the next day they will have all their bags packed all ready to move in with someone else. It doesn’t matter if you have a family together and you have children. They will leave all that behind if they feel there is something better for them. If they have groomed you enough to know that you will welcome them back with open arms, then this is a cycle that they will repeat continuously because they know they will have a loving person to crawl back to when their supplies didn’t work out for them the way they thought they would.
They are so selfish that when you reach out to them to fix things and communicate after they have mercilessly discarded you without any answers, they will become the most evil and mean person you have ever encountered. They will take this opportunity to let you know exactly how they feel about you, which is nothing. They will put you down even further, they will tell you never to contact them again, they will tell you to move on, they will block you like a coward and play the most twisted psychological games with you that you will start to unravel and lose yourself. You will be left with no closure as to why they have just decided to cut you off so drastically and hurtfully.
They are so selfishly involved in themselves that they don’t want anyone else, especially the ones closest to them to feel any happiness or joy. If they feel like you have been successful at something, or if you are celebrating a momentous occasion, they will ensure that they ruin it for you. It could be a birthday, your anniversary, a special award you’ve won, a promotion you received or whatever it may be and they will do everything they can to make it known how unhappy they are for you. While everyone else is wishing you a happy birthday, or congratulating you on your achievements, the narcissist will be playing with your head, putting you down, giving you the silent treatment, ghosting you, demeaning you and hurling insults at you. You will have absolutely no idea why they are treating you so despicably because it’s natural for loved ones to share in happy occasions together, but when it comes to a narcissist, the only happiness they care about is their own. You could have been planning a special anniversary together and they will take this moment to break up with you, cheat on you, not come home, ignore your calls or messages and basically just drop off the face of the earth to make you feel so low about yourself. They are so selfish that they get thrilled and excited by watching you squirm in confusion, heartbreak and torment.
Narcissists are so selfish that even if you are sick, and going through different struggles in your life, they will take this opportunity to show you just much of a burden you are. They don’t understand how another person can have troubles, challenges and are human like everyone else and get sick from time to time. They will be annoyed that you have inconvenienced them with your problems so they will just hop on over to one of the supply sources that is readily available. You could be pregnant with their child for example and feeling very ill and tired, they could care less and would rather sleep with someone else who isn’t having all the hormonal issues that go along with that. Even though it’s a completely normal part of biology, but they can’t grasp that! You could be suffering from a chronic illness, and instead of them being a partner that holds your hand and helps you through it, they will abandon you and leave you because they don’t want to be responsible for caring for someone else that is sick and has health problems. However, they expect to be nurtured, looked after and have every single need catered to when they are feeling under the weather or dealing with health concerns.
They are so selfish that you could be cuddled up next to them watching and movie, and they would rather be looking at their phone scrolling through social media checking out people they want to flirt with and have sex with. They are so selfish that they would prefer to watch porn and masturbate then have a close connection with another person that loves them. They will comment on how unattractive you are to them now that your body has changed as you are aging, and they will intentionally make it known how attracted they are to other people. You could be out for a date night out and they will flirt, check out and even try to hook up with someone else right in front of you. You can forget about having a loving relationship that makes you feel respected, wanted and loved. They view everyone as objects and think that anyone is fair game for them to interact with. There is no limitations to how far they will go to make you feel small and worthless.
They are so selfish that they will take every secret you have shared with them and use it against you & then share it with others to humiliate you. Perhaps they know your deepest insecurities and they will find a way to hurt you even further and make you lose all confidence in yourself. Maybe you’ve gained a few pounds, you have stretch marks, you’re getting wrinkles or your skin is breaking out. They will make fun of you by commenting on your weight, your skin and not say anything nice to make you feel better or reassure you that you are beautiful just the way you are. They will talk about your issues to mutual friends, your families or anyone else and try to make it seem like there is something wrong with you, while they are the ones who are malicious, and behave immorally. They are internally insecure and empty themselves so they don’t want anyone else to have something that they don’t. They don’t want another person to feel happiness or have confidence. Their goal is to deplete you of every ounce of security you had in yourself and tear you down to nothing.
They are so selfish they will use their own parents, siblings & grandparents. They will take them for everything that they can give them such as, enabling all of their toxic behaviours and only spending time with them when they need something like money, food or a place to stay. They pretend like they care, but only when it’s because they are getting something in return. They treat their own family members as their own personal ATM machine that they can use at their own expense. They will have no problem spending every single last dime of their money, including their life savings and retirement pensions. They will also do this to complete strangers as well such as finding elderly people on dating sites that are vulnerable and lonely, and they will manipulate them, use them and fraud them to get money and everything provided to them. Then they will deplete them of every penny they have and take off into the sunset with someone else. They will leave them not only completely blindsided, but financially broke. They are con-artists!
They are so selfish that they don’t even care about their own children. They may act like they are parent of the year on their Facebook, Twitter or instagram by posting all these adorable photos of their kids, but meanwhile they rarely ever actually spend time with them and are pawning them off to others to take care of them such as with other family members, friends or babysitters. They neglect them by putting them down or making them feel small by having such high expectations that they can never attain. They will use them to make themselves look good to others like at family holiday gatherings, or special school events that they will attend to pretend like they are involved in their child’s life, but in reality their presence is almost non-existent and they aren’t the nurturing, loving or encouraging parent that will make all the hard sacrifices or compromises of raising a child. Perhaps they agreed to equally coparent and pay child support. You can forget about any of that, because they will only see their child when it’s right for them and they will only pay child support if they have the extra money after everything else they have blown their dollars on. They will walk away from their children and move into someone else’s home and never look back if it suits their needs. That’s how little anyone means to them, even their own flesh and blood.
They are so selfish that even when you call them out on every single horrible thing they have done to hurt you, they will deny it, and then turn it on you. They will swear at you, yell at you, call you crazy, accuse you of things, and put the blame on you. They could also become physically violent and aggressive when they are confronted about their behaviours and will be defensive. They may also block you, and use this as a way to cast you out . They know in their minds that what you are saying is true, but they can’t admit their wrongdoings because that means they have to take ownership and change their ways, which is something they don’t want to do. If they are cornered with evidence and proof of them cheating or getting caught lying, then they will selfishly manipulate you by making false promises to change, they may give fake crocodile tears and act like they are remorseful, they may give a half assed apology and say they made a mistake, but this rarely ever happens and even if it does, they will never change. Why? You guessed it! Because they are selfish. All the time.
Narcissists are selfish to the core. All of them. Every decision and choice they make is centred around themselves. Every person in their lives is there to serve them like a slave and make them feel good. The ones that don’t submit to their demands and pass all their tests, will get kicked to the curb & the ones that do, will get to stay while they are walked on, used, abused and repeatedly tossed away like trash.
“Some people will only “love” you as much as they can use you. Their “loyalty” ends where the benefits stop.”
*Disclaimer: I am sharing my own personal experiences after dating a Malignant Narcissist who also had ASPD traits. I am not a professional, nor do I pretend to be. Everything listed was from my own experience with him, as well as having a sister who is a Covert Narcissist. They are two very different people, but they both have one single common denominator: They are both selfish in every aspect of their lives without any remorse or care for others. Not every narcissist will have every single one of these traits listed, as someone in the comments has mentioned, there is a spectrum. At some point or another we can all display narcissistic traits from time to time, but what differentiates between someone with the occasional trait and someone with Narcissitic Personality Disorder is that most people can empathize with others, genuinely feel bad when they make a mistake, and take the steps and effort to change. A person with NPD cannot truly empathize, and the person with this disorder is incredibly selfish in every way.*