Here it is again. The insanity. The topsy-turvy-sticky situation. This feeling.
This feeling that is bubbling on your inside. It is so effervescent that I probably suffer from an outburst every now and then. Like epilepsy. This seizure in my brain, in my heart. It cuts so deep that was bleeding me dry. My heart, bleeding dry.
Being plagued by this epilepsy, impaired my rationality so much. It just feels like my grim reaper took my little soul out, and I was kept in the dark, because.. I was always in the dark.
I'd call it nocturnal. I stay up, I am at my peak when the moonlight sets in. I hate the mornings. We don't click well. It is a realization fighting a battle with my existent problem which I refuse to acknowledge of. It seems to be such a long day, a long day of fighting alone.
Then the moonlight sets in, the tranquility of the night which comes so deep as if it runs in my blood. The silence, the serenity, everything. I get to think, think of the battles that I fought from dawn to dusk, and be proud of myself, to be breathing.
But that is not the end.
The demons, the demons that comes at night. They are crazy. Perhaps not as insane as a messed-up me, but hell, they sure a lot of ferocious creatures.
Demons, to fight.
I must always be on my guard, be ready to fight anytime. Those are much brutal creatures than those during the day. They are always haunting you, surrounding you, cornering you. You have only yourself up to your name. No knights, no weapons, absolutely nothing, against a battalion .
Countless times, I refuse to let this side of me to be out. I refuse to let myself to feel sad. I tried putting on a font and thought to myself, maybe, just maybe, if I get used to putting on a font, it might be plastered to me. But it seem too hard to do when you are bleeding dry on the inside. But everything is piling up, everything hurts so much. So many buts-
Everything, every single damn thing.
Maybe I should stop pleasing the people who dgaf for me, care more about myself, be a little more selfish.
Brb, retrieving sanity.
