ITTTTSSS SUMMER BREAK Y'ALLL!!!!
and guess what?
that means ...
i'm done with my FRESHMAN YEAR OF COLLEGE!!!
woah... can you imagine? that was like a tornado passing by...
it's already been more than a year since i've graduated high school and entered college??? (well almost an year for that)
yeah okay so i'm starting this new thing... where i'll be posting stuffs in english AND in japanese since i'll have to be keeping up with my english skills
a year in japan without an english speaking environment, it's really kinda hard to keep up your english skills you know?
your english gets rustier and rustier day by day
also, sometimes you want to just express your feelings out in english rather than in japanese
just because you can express yourself better than your mother tongue.
you know, like sometimes there are some nuances you want to describe but there aren't any right phrase or words that represents that in other languages?
it's like that. so i've decided to use both english and japanese to demonstrate my feelings and emotions, so that it can be verbally indicated more than using only a single language.
also, i feel like i'm more of myself when i write stuffs down in english than in japanese... it's super hard to explain why but i think the reasons are that i feel more insecure about myself when i'm writing it down in japanese.
i feel like japanese people can be more judgemental in a way? i don't know. it's just my opinion + there are some bias so i can't be 100% sure, but i just feel like japense people can be SUPER judgemental - especially when it comes to "looks" and "expressing yourself".
i just want to be myself and be who i really am... not getting too influenced by what people say and stuff.
and i feel like expressing myself in english - i feel like it's the real "me".
i mean, i've grown up almost my whole life using english - although my mother tongue is japanese.
but i feel that i've been using more of english in my life rather than japanese, just because i've been to an international school until high school. i've been using more english than i've been using japanese for sure, and i, myself, was created surrounded by an english speaking environment.
japanese, on the other hand - the only time i've used it was when i was in a japan for a month, at home, and in a japanese school that i had to attend every saturday.
it's just my identity - a part of me was established in an english speaking environment. so i can't suddently let go of that part of myself you know? it's always going to be a part of me, and it'll always be a way of expressing myself using english.
it's kinda hard to explain but... i just really can't live without english. it's always been a part of me and it'll always be one too.
being a third culture kid is never easy, but i'm never regretting being one, and i will always be proud of myself.
i feel like being a monoculture kid, it'll be easier to live in a certain country (i.e. japan). i mean, you'll always feel like japan is your home!
being a third culture kid, you don't really have a "home" that you can call... but instead, you'll have MANY homes around the world. and that, i love about.
i'll talk about my life a bit more in the next blog, but i just wanted to write out why i'll be writing some of the blogs in english and not in japanese. you know, just to sort things out :)
it became a bit long and kinda boring but... thanks for reading :)
hope you guys have a nice day today and sleep well! (since it's 2AM in the midnight LOL)
night! xx
Nana