i need to lose weight /sobs

my sister’s teeth that are growing in the back!! woah

On Tuesday I went to the dentist and to the vet. The vet told us all that stuff, and I had to wait at least 2-3 hours at the dentist. I hated it. And like always, I was being stared at. I fucking hate it.

This week. Was okay. Like always. My friend is leaving tomorrow/today to Brazil for 2 weeks for his birthday.

Yesterday, he came over to me and hugged me from behind, and said hi. And I didn’t react to it, I just said, “now that you’re going to say hi to me?” And he just had his face in my neck, talking in my ear saying he felt awful and wasn’t sure if he should leave. He kept tipping me back and forth too. My heart was racing… sometimes I wish he would hug me more often and say hi more.

I wish he would do that.

And I’m completely annoyed because all I do is think about the past, about how great last year was and the year after that and how shitty this year turned out to be. And it’s true. So far nothing has been exciting (except for getting my babies) or has made me really happy. It’s worse. Esta peor que yo imaginaba. And I’m worried. And scared. And fucking depressed as shit.

and I feel like I’m being ignored entirely from everyone.. wait, aren’t I always? Pft.

why do I always feel like this?..

I miss everything.

I really do.

I wish things would go back to the happy times. I wish none of this ever happened. I wish I was 13 again. I miss SuG. I miss going out everyday.

I really want to look at their blogs again, I remember when I used to stay up late and do all of that, I had ‘so many things to do’. And now.. I don’t have much to do anymore except study/do homework. And I don’t like that. i want to try and do gifs again, or edits. Or something. Or just stay up late watching SuG Show’s or videos…anything to make me happy…

I miss the past so badly. I want for it so badly. But I can’t get it back no matter what. They’re just memories now.

I also realized that in 2 years I’ll be 18. An adult. And look, I’m still depressed and haven’t done anything in my life at all. I didn’t want this, i don’t try at all. I give up, and give up and give up. I had such positive thoughts with them and now- it’s all gone.

why am I making myself isolate from everything I once knew; once treasured; that I was happy with.

I guess because my happiness just got taken away.

I can only be happy for a day and then get depressed-upset by some god damn fucking bullshit. No matter how hard I try, nothing. I’m ruining myself.

“one day” I hate that word. I hate anything that seems to do with the future. Everything seems so impossible.

I keep thinking he’s appearing in my dreams but I’m not entirely sure if it’s him, it looks like him, I think it’s him.
He hid behind these flowers and then popped his head out and smiled at me. Was that really him or-…

it’s best not to say some things sometimes. It’s best to just stay quiet about everything-for me; anyways.

“You can’t run away from your past no matter how hard you try, it’ll be a part of you forever.”

ばいばい！ (・ω・)ノシ

☆204★