A long talk in Pilar. It is a talk a bit strange because we started to imagine a show with the song from Phantasmagoria between the dirt roads and pastures with Riku and Kisaki.
This video is freaky
A photo of Miku when he wanted to combine the names: Iori - Jun - Riku and Kisaki in one word along with Under.
Sometimes, I just want to disappear. Not for long. Just one day. Being under a beautiful tree, with the sound of the sea and feel the fresh air of calm.
Without thinking that can happen tomorrow, if I'm going out or being locked in my house. If I comply with any obligation. I just want to stop thinking for a while. Isolate my mind and know that nothing will stop the moment of peace.
I tried many times to reach the peace without having to go away and alone. It is not enough because is interrupted my peace.
When it seems I'm relaxing , the saddest occurs and I just want to resolve as soon as possible to rest, but all end worse.
Although...always I have an excuse. I finish at the same point of reflection.My things are changing , my way of thinking is no longer the same and I am a totally different person.But doing an analysis of my past, I am stunned.
I say I'm happy and I am happy, but when I start to think about my happiness does not know if this is my happyness .
I realize that I lost many things that I carried. I had friends .... I used to have large groups of friends, I used go with they of walk ... laugh ... mourn ...I joked ... was going to parties... I used had a very good mood.
But I also feel that before. I was not myself. Before it was a silly person and dominated. Today I feel stronger against others and shocks of life.
AND BECAUSE OF THIS CHANGE, MY LIFE TOOK A TURN.
It is quite clear that I not find a balance. At times I feel really alone althought I have a someone the side.
But my error is committed when I not show them that happens to me. Just I repeat, ALONE I CAN..... ALONE.
Before ..I didn't believed in love and was not a problem for me. Today I love a men, is a wonderful person and hated... I fell in love. It is an impossible love and distant. He does not know me, he didn't knows of my existence or my feelings. But I feel that I've known him forever. I feel that everything about him is perfect.
But I'm beginning to learn to say goodbye to the love that made me suffer so much and shed tears.
I am listless. Before reproached me my mistakes. I used to work harder to improve. I used to get angry with myself.
Now I leave everything to my fate. I go slow and I'm not sorry if everything goes wrong. I'm lazy for everything.
I do not understand why I'm writing all this, but I needed write. I never tell what happens. I can say that I feel sad or bad. But never I end to analyzing my feelings at that moment, and ended in the same place a room of four walls where only mourn and talk with myself and then I get up as if nothing had happened.
Sayonara ........ My love sayonara to my past.....
T___________________ T
Domo arigatou my best friends !!!! Miku and Jin... gomenne tambien por como suelo ser.
