i met this kind friend in ameba pico. his nickname is tea-break.
it starts when we ring each other, everyday.
when i never ring him (because i dont logon), he still rang my room, everyday too. and it lasts for months already.
so i was thinking that this tea deserve some nice appreciation. i was messaging him saying thank you for ringing me everyday.
and from that time i decide to ring him everyday too x3
ahaha.. yes i know, its just a game.. ring ring in a game.
but yes, i appreciate and respect that.
that time i messaged him, he said that i have a kind heart and he said "youre my buddy!". im so happy because i met someone warm hearted xD
and yes, become a buddy is nice too. i really value him..
i havent know him much.. but he often shows warmness and it really comes from his heart, he even buy me many things in pigg with real gold >.<. he doesnt really have to do that, for be friends with him is more than enough. but yes, his warmness makes me happy. i respect him much, he is a golden hearted buddy. and he is serious about this friendship, so yes.. i want to be serious too. i will value him seriously.
he is from japan, i havent know his real name. i have asked once, but he havent tell too.. what i know about him, is he is still doing his best with his study now.
i didnt see him as a lover or anything. he is ULTRA kind really, yes i respect him so much. i really hope i could do something nice to him too when i got a job/income.. he spent real money to show appreciation to me.. i really want to return the favor, make him happy too >u<
i was depressed.. and felt like trash. so many lies in this life.. i cant blame anyone, and i wont. its just human. and i always believe inside every human, theres a child in their body. sometimes child do mistakes, but they are basically innocent. anyway, its just human. to hurt and be hurted.. its already human nature. i dont want to hate..
but sometimes im in my ultra weak state too. voices in my head often tell me to kill myself, or make my soul disappeared. i was decided to go to psychiatrist to erase me and let mel win.
i was so blurried, i gave up. i dont want to be on front anymmore. i was asleep for about 3 days. but suddenly i wake up again, be on front. i thought i already disappeared that time i gave up. but giving up sure is more tough than i think it is. and now i be back on front, i dont know how to avoid this too.. i want to be asleep somehow, but i cant control it.
when i wake up, i play pigg again. i met this tea. tea was worried a lot about me. i told him about this suicidal attempt. and hes like no no. he said a lot of warm things, i feel so much valued. at least 1 person do care about me if i take off.. he said that it will be a loss to him, he will be sad. he said something positive to cheer me up. he even sent me things in pigg, he bought with real gold >.<
he ask me to promise him that i wont do reckless things.. he will be sad. he said.
for that, i should value.. this 1 person cared for me. for that, i should live.. i guess.
he said he blessed me with best life.. im really grateful..
if i could say it all.. i really want to bless him too, from the deepest pit in my heart. i bless him all happiness and prosperity for his life.. in present life, and in afterlife. amen.
i really want to go to 3 countries before i died. jerusalem, kuwait, and of course.. japan. i should meet tea in person, and give him my best appreciation. he love blue colour, i will give something blueish on that day ^^. im happy.. he said if i cant go to japan, he will come to indonesia instead. tea is very valueable, in much much great ways.
he showed me photos of ginza. while i havent come there, i could take a look at pics tea uploaded.
i feel reborn again. to know that we are loved.. even 1 person, its a big help. that means a lot. thats precious i should value always.