Okay, So I Tried to Make Guys Chase Me and Honestly? Most Advice is Trash. Here's What Actually Works.
Okay so last year I was SO hung up on this one dude. Like, embarrassingly so. And I went down this rabbit hole on TikTok and Google, typing in stuff like "how to make him obsessed with me," and honestly, I should be on a watchlist for the cringey advice I tried. The whole idea of "making a guy chase you" is everywhere, and it promises to give you back your power. But here's the hot take: it's kinda dumb. It's a power trip that almost never gets you what you actually want. Hear me out.
1. My "Games" Era - And Why It Almost Always Backfired
This was my first stop on the crazy train, and it's where most of us start. You feel a little powerless, so you decide to fight back with strategy. The internet is full of these little "tricks" and "mind games" that are supposed to make you irresistible. But it's a trap, and I walked right into it.
My first experiment was the classic "deny him" tactic, based on the whole "people want what they can't have" thing. I'd literally see a text from a guy I liked, set a timer on my phone for five hours, and then reply with something super chill like "lol hey." And honestly? Half the time the guy just lost interest and moved on to someone who, you know, actually texted him back. Whoops. So when that failed, I decided to escalate. After one really great date, I tried the "disappear act." We had an amazing connection, and then I just... vanished. Radio silence. The idea was to create a "vacuum effect" where he’d wonder where that amazing girl went. In reality, the most emotionally healthy guy I’d met in months just figured I wasn't interested and respectfully bowed out. The only guys who stuck around were the ones who saw it as a game, which is a major red flag.
The final, and ickiest, stage of my games era was the "push-pull" mess. I’d be super warm and flirty one minute, then cold and distant the next, trying to be unpredictable and exciting. It just felt manipulative and unstable. And as one source I read pointed out, "socially smarter men might see through it" and dump your game-playing ass. They're not wrong.
Look, did this stuff sometimes work? Kinda. But it was exhausting, felt fake, and attracted guys who were into the game, not into me. It wasn't building anything real. I was treating dating like a chess match, and all I was winning was empty validation from guys I didn't even respect. It felt hollow. And that's when I realized I was focusing on the wrong thing entirely.
2. The Real Glow-Up: Becoming Someone Worth Chasing
My big "aha!" moment was realizing the foundation of attraction isn't about playing games, it's about building a life that you genuinely love. It's about having so much self-respect and value that you don't have time for games. This is where the real power comes from, because it's not a trick; it's just who you are.
Get Your Money Right Ngl, the biggest power move I ever made was getting my finances in order. When you don't need a guy for anything, the whole dynamic shifts. You can walk away from BS the second you see it, because you're not dependent on anyone for security. That confidence is magnetic.
Have a Life (For Real) I used to be one of those girls who would keep her whole weekend free just in case a guy I liked wanted to make last-minute plans. Cringe. Now, my schedule is actually packed with stuff I love my pottery class, weekend trips with my friends, my career goals. A Reddit post I saw said it perfectly: "If you can say to a man 'I am free anytime' then you're not busy enough." So when I turn a guy down for a date now, it's not a game. It's because I have a life I'm not willing to drop for just anyone.
Become "Zero Sh*t Tolerant" This is my new favorite phrase. It's not about being "high maintenance"; it's about having standards and enforcing your boundaries. I once went on a date with a guy who made a "joke" about my job that was just straight-up condescending. The old me would have nervously laughed it off. The new me said, "Hey, I don't appreciate that," and when he got defensive, I ended the date. Walking away from a guy who disrespects you is one of the most empowering feelings on the planet.
So once I got my own life handled, I felt way more confident. But there was still a missing piece... I knew how to be valuable, but I didn't know how to create that deep, magnetic connection. That's where the REAL psychology comes in.
3. Real Talk: The 4 Emotional Triggers That Get a Guy HOOKED
Okay, this is the secret sauce. This stuff goes beyond surface-level attraction and into the deep emotional wiring that makes a man feel like he can't forget you. This isn't about manipulation; it's about learning how to connect on a level that most people never reach.
That "Challenge with Warmth" Vibe This is the ultimate game-changer. You have to balance two things: certainty (he knows you like him) and challenge (he has to earn your investment). Basically, I'm warm and flirty so he knows I'm interested. I'm not playing games with his feelings. But my time, my deep emotional energy, my commitment? He has to show up consistently to get that. It's not a game; it's just me valuing myself. It makes your affection feel like a prize, not a handout.
Making Him Feel SEEN Every single person on this planet wants to feel significant. Men are no different. I stopped giving generic compliments like "you're so handsome" and started noticing the unique things about a guy. For example, instead of saying "you're so smart," I'd say something like, "I was really impressed by how you handled that stressful situation at work. You have a really calm leadership style." It hits different because you're seeing the real him, the parts of himself that most people overlook, not just his highlight reel.
Creating a "Safe Zone" for Him Real talk, men are under an insane amount of pressure to be strong all the time. Creating a space where he can be vulnerable without judgment is a huge trigger. One time a guy I was dating admitted he was super stressed about a family thing. The old me would have jumped in with a million solutions. Instead, I just listened and said, "That sounds really tough. I'm here." The relief on his face was insane. You become his peace in a world that demands he constantly perform.
The "Emotional Mirror" Thing This is SO huge. The idea is that he feels like the best version of himself when he's with you. When you're happy, confident, and calm, he starts to feel that way too. Your presence activates his best qualities. He starts to associate you with feeling strong, capable, and respected. He's not just attracted to you; he's addicted to how he feels around you.
Honestly, understanding this stuff was a complete game-changer for me. It's like I finally got the instruction manual. There’s this guy who breaks down the psychology of what makes a man fall in love and commit, and he calls it his secret obsession. It sounds dramatic, I know, but it lowkey explains these triggers in way more detail. If you're tired of the games and wanna understand the deep stuff that actually works, it’s probably worth checking out. It helped me connect the dots, anyway.
But even when you're doing all this right, guys can still act weird and pull away. For a long time, this would make me PANIC. But then I learned what's actually going on in their heads.
4. When He Pulls Away, Don't Freak Out. Here's What's Actually Happening.
This is the key to not sabotaging a good thing when you feel him getting distant. The absolute worst thing you can do when a man pulls away is to chase him. It feels counterintuitive, but it's crucial. Your panic is the poison. His distance is almost never about you.
Decoding His "Man Cave" Moments Most of the time, when a guy withdraws, he's dealing with stress that has nothing to do with you work problems, family drama, financial issues. Men tend to retreat into their "man cave" to solve problems on their own. For a lot of guys, it's about shame. He doesn't want you to see him when he feels like he's failing or can't solve a problem, so he retreats to fix it alone. Or sometimes, especially in a new relationship, things are just moving too fast and he needs a minute to slow it down to a pace that feels comfortable.
His Secret Fears (Yeah, He Has Them) And honestly, this blew my mind when I learned it. That guy who ghosts after a great week? He might be terrified he can't actually give you the life he thinks you deserve. An article in Psychology Today I read talks about guys like "Wayne," who self-destructed and cheated when his business slowed down because he felt like a failure. Or they might be scared of being controlled. The same article mentioned "Jon," a guy who literally had panic attacks when his girlfriend wanted to get engaged because he felt like he was losing his freedom. It’s not an excuse to treat you badly, but it helps you see it’s not always about you. It’s about his own demons.
The takeaway? Give him space. Chasing him when he pulls away makes you seem needy and confirms his fears. The move is to just go back to Section 2: focus on your awesome life. This shows him that you're the source of peace we just talked about, not a source of drama.
Anyway... once you put all this together, the whole idea of "making him chase you" starts to feel... well, kinda pointless.
5. So, What's the Secret? (Spoiler: It's Not a "Chase")
The goal isn't a "chase." A chase is a game, and games end. He’s not "chasing" you because you’re playing games from Section 1. He’s stepping up because you’ve built a life he respects (Section 2) and created an emotional connection he can’t find anywhere else (Section 3). And when life gets hard and he pulls away, he knows you’re his peace, not his panic (Section 4). He won't be "chasing" you because you're running away; he'll be stepping up to meet you where you are, because he knows what he's losing if he doesn't.
Look, will this work for every single guy? Probably not. Nothing does. But it stopped me from wasting time on guys who weren't serious and helped me build something real with someone who was. And it made me like myself a hell of a lot more in the p
rocess. So yeah, I think it's worth a shot, right?