The Haze: When You Don't Even Know What to Call It
Look, here’s the thing. I’m in this… thing. It’s not a relationship, not really. But we’re not just friends, either. We do relationship things. We talk for hours, we hook up, we know things about each other. But if someone asked me “What are you?” I’d literally have no answer. It’s like we have all the parts of a relationship, but when you try to put them together, nothing clicks.
It’s the weirdest feeling. There’s no label. No commitment. It’s just… a thing we’re doing. You feel things, you do things, but you can’t call it anything. And the most confusing part?
It feels so good sometimes.
But It's The Good Parts, You Know?
Honestly? The good moments are the whole problem, you know? Because he can be so charming, like, the kind of guy who remembers some dumb, tiny thing I mentioned weeks ago and brings it up, and it makes my whole day. And in those moments, it feels so real. He’s so attentive, not just to me but to like, the waitstaff when we’re out. He says all the right things, and it makes it so hard to believe that anything could be wrong.
And sometimes we have these flashes of real emotional connection. Where I feel completely seen by him, like he just gets me. They don't last, but when they happen… wow. Plus, the physical side of things feels so connected and real. It makes it almost impossible to believe the rest of it isn’t.
Basically, all those good parts are like fuel. They keep me sticking around, hoping the rest of the relationship will eventually catch up to the potential I see. It’s the hope that kills you, I guess.
Then the Little Glitches Start Happening…
And then there are the other times. The little inconsistencies that just… sit wrong in my stomach. The communication is the biggest one. One day we’re texting back and forth all day, non-stop banter and inside jokes. The next day? Radio silence. Or I’ll get a random “Good morning” text, but if I try to turn it into a real conversation, I get nothing back for hours. Or ever. It’s like he’s just dropping a breadcrumb to let me know he’s still there, but not enough to actually engage.
And the plans. God, the vague future plans. It’s always “We should totally do that soon!” or “Let’s go there sometime,” but “soon” and “sometime” are these mythical places that never actually arrive on the calendar.
The other day he texted something sweet and I almost replied asking when we could actually talk on the phone, but then I just… didn't. It felt like pointing out a typo in a movie script. Like this tiny mistake that if you mention it, the whole illusion falls apart. So I just sent back a heart emoji. Ngl, it felt embarrassing.
It’s like he's holding me at arm's length. On purpose. And I don't know why that feels so much worse than him just being busy. And eventually, you get tired of reaching across the gap, you know? You just have to ask what's going on.
Feeling Like a Secret
The distance thing is real. Like, we’ve been doing this for months now, and I haven’t met a single one of his friends. Not one. I’ve never been his plus-one to a party or a work thing. It makes me feel like I’m not… official enough to be seen with him. Like I’m this separate part of his life that doesn’t get to mix with the other parts.
And forget about leaving anything at his place. I feel like if I left a toothbrush there by accident, it would trigger some kind of self-destruct sequence. There’s no part of me that has a foothold in his actual life or his actual space. It’s like I only exist when we’re together, and I disappear the second we say goodbye.
Is that normal? To have been seeing someone for months and feel like a complete ghost in their life? Or am I just being needy?
The Conversations That Go in Circles
Every single time I try to get some clarity, it’s like talking to a brick wall. The second I even hint at talking about “us” or “what this is,” he just shuts down. Or gets defensive.
I get all the classic lines. “Why do we have to put a label on it?” or my personal favorite, “Why do you want to put a contract on things? We’re fine as is.” It always, always makes me feel like I’m the one asking for too much. Like I’m the one being demanding for wanting to know if I’m wasting my time or not.
My needs just get totally brushed aside. It’s never about what would make me feel secure or happy, it’s always about what he’s ready for, what he wants, what he’s comfortable with. And after you have that same conversation a few times and get nowhere, you start to wonder…
It feels like a trap. I actually read a detailed breakdown of the psychology behind why men waste your time, and it explained that this 'defensiveness' is actually a manipulation tactic
Honestly? Maybe It's Me.
This is the part that keeps me up at night. Maybe I’m the problem.
But I’ve already put so much time and energy into this… It feels stupid to walk away now, right? Like all that effort would be for nothing. And then just when I'm about to give up, he does something amazing and pulls me right back in. So it can't be all bad. He’s not a bad guy. He’s just… complicated.
And then there's the other part, the part I don't want to say out loud. I'm scared. What if I end this and there's just... nothing? Isn't a sometimes-thing better than a never-thing?
Anyway, I was doomscrolling Reddit the other night, you know how it is, and I stumbled on this post mentioning something called His Secret Obsession. And I don't know... it wasn't like a magic answer or anything, but some of the stuff it said about how guys think just kind of… clicked. In a way that made me feel a little sick, tbh. Like seeing the Matrix code for a second.
I just feel drained. And I still don’t know anything.
So… Now What.
I don’t have an answer. For real. And forcing one right now just feels… wrong. Like I’d be breaking something that might not even be broken, you know? Or maybe it is, and I’m just not ready to admit it.
The goal right now isn’t to figure him out. It’s not about getting him to commit or change or whatever. I think the goal is just to… stop. To take a breath. To quiet the noise in my own head for a minute.
Maybe the next step isn't about what to DO. Maybe it's about figuring out what NOT to do. Like, what if for a little while, I just… stop trying so hard to get an answer? What if I just pause?
If you are nodding along to this, you need to verify the facts. I compiled a checklist of 12 Signs He Is Wasting Your Timeon my blog. Go read it, compare your situation, and get the clarity you need before you text him back