The past month or two has been one of the most debilitating experiences all while the past year for sure has been full of terror, fear and despair. Surrendering but it’s natural I resit with all my might.
Shallow short breaths 24/7, gut and solar plexus as if to explode, hyper activated nervous system. Some moments had my breath away almost completely to a point where life force energy feels utterly drained and dragged me into complete despair. It just takes away all things I learned through this journey - and that’s the experience.
I’ve been sensing the seeking energy is again arising to seek for desperate help and as if wanting to storm out a cloud of doubts - and that is just the experience.
All in the end, I don’t care if it’s to the awakening nor contracted energy leaving the body for nothingness. It’s natural I long for just a normal human living experience, cherishing flowers. No complexity, damn it!!
Here I fully abide in silence with my body open to what arises, welcoming and being curious about contraction.
Or simply.. Just stop. Do nothing.
And those are the forces that we’re playing with at that level of our being. At the moment that the willingness arises, just to let whatever’s going to happen to happen, including when your mind goes, “This is going to destroy me. I’m going to be annihilated.”
And, OK, it feels that way, it absolutely can feel that way. And when that arises, I can’t tell you how — this has to be true — there can’t be anything phony about it, but there is something in you, and it is connected with your curiosity which is why I’m glad you mentioned that word — there is something within you that is also in the heart of that curiosity, that in the face of that seeming threat of the infinite, has the attitude of, “OK, alright, I’ll be annihilated. I have to find out what’s on the other side of annihilation. Even if there is another side of annihilation. I just have to find out. I’m just too damned curious. I’m tired of this. I just have to find out.”
That’s what ultimately gets you to the other side of it. Because of course there’s another side to this. Now that you’ve experienced getting to this threshold a bunch of times, you probably understand better now what originally the creators of — like, if you go to a lot of these, not only eastern Buddhist temples and Hindu temples, but if you go to Europe, you got to the cathedrals, and so much of the time right near the entrance or the four corners there are these sort of terrible, frightening looking creatures.
suzanne chang. angelo dilullo. matthew pallett. adyashanti. craig holliday. shaan kassam. josh putnam. david mcdonald. matt kahn. rupert spira. frank yang. simon brown.