I don't know what I am doing, I am reckoned as crazy and I feel like I pissed everyone off.
I'm so tired to even type and also so much emotions pouring that I feel like hiding and never want to face anyone ever again. Enough said. I will blog more when I feel more energetic. Today was just harsh, very harsh. (´＿｀｡)
I never so much felt like crying before because I'm at the state of failing my school assignment and I don't know how to settle the problem and no one is helping me. Or else, I just feel as though I'm like some sore thumb sticking out being ignored half the time and sorry that I could not be any help of initiating because I wanna try it myself or want people to just acknowledge my existence that I am actually THERE. （/TДT)/
Now I really understand that I really hate the feeling of being ignored and often people do because they think that my existence is rather not important. So I question myself what am I doing here, having to suffer being ignore like half the whole entire time. I feel so miserable and angsty right now that I feel like pouring my tears out right now. I feel like a human being who failed to be "around" at times because half the time people ignore me and also I can't even settle small problems like Flash etc. I suck at Flash and I know it, and people don't teach me, I rather someone whom would give me their codes and I'll learn from there. No one even volunteer to help me either which makes me feel .. well yeah ignored. Because they just FREAKING WANT ME TO TO OPEN MY MOUTH AND ASK? I think that Im no difference from Veron either, showing temper when I can't solve anythingand wait for people to help me by quietly sitting there. But at least she got Penglin right? I fucking do not have anyone to be concern about me like practically all the time.
It's all fucking back to my fault that I didn't say things clearly, and it was my fault for making you misunderstand? And you make such a fuss helping me out. So yeah, so. You do not need my help so you don't bother to even help me out right? So you want things to be like give and take.
Fine, I am so fucking annoyed that i want to fail my p3 right now. I cannot take anymore of this shit. I feel so annoyed and really feel like punching people or even pushing people down the building. Like I said, I shall not suicide for the sake of other people because should just die for my sake zzzzzz
I'm actually still fuming me right now even though that I'm outside and I'm currently not showing it. It's most probably having bitching sessions that Roy isn't choosing her priorities right over friends and the thought of it just pisses me off. (￣∩￣# Maybe because they know that I'm shouldn't be free right now because I'm struggling over my P3 and yeah, the person sitting across me is play tetris. I feel like a total waste of time.
Okay, on the side note I am going to finish my spreads by tonight and tomorrow I'm going to get my other pages all done. There goes to sleepless nights, Sigh.
Ugh, I'm going to be selfish just once and say this ->
They just don't understand that I am trying my best and I fail at doing so and you end up being pissed off me when you feel like I'm not entertaining you as much as I entertain them? Can you be understanding that it is difficult to do so? And thanks so much for being friends for so long, how can you judge me like this? ゛(｀ヘ´#) So you can choose to ignore me all you want and being pissed off all you want because I already apologized and there is nothing much I can do either. I can't believe I'm saying this but I seek your understanding also as you all would know that I'm not that type of person whom like to mix my friends up. Classmates will be classmates, ex-classmates will stay as ex-classmates, outside friends will always be outside friends the end. No mixing unless required but this teach me a lesson that I COULD NEVER MIX MY CLASSMATES AND MY EX-CLASSMATES TOGETHER. ＼(*｀∧´)／ They are a major killer combo towards me and the one ending up being angry is my ex-classmates and not my classmates even though it was the other way round before. Sucks to be me and suck to be in the damn situation.
Screw this shit, I wanna get my P3 over and done with and watch
ホカベン drama without being disrupted and lots of other shows which I am stocking up to watch. I think I'll take the first week of Holidays as hibernation break where no one can get to be unless it's necessary.
Oh yeah, I went to watch
ホカベン today because it was lawyer eccentric and besides かとうーさん is starring as one of the main actors as a lawyer and also ... he's got fauxhawk and also in 眼鏡！！ かっこいいです！I want to continue watching but I realised that the subs actually stop subbing at episode 4 and the rest should be subbed in chinese. Oh gosh, why did Candypop stop subbing???? It makes my life so much harder reading chinese words.
The words "Retake O Levels to take up Law in other country" has been on my mind since that day. How how how? I still want to be a lawyer by all means. Even though I think after watching ホカベン my mind would change. Okay, but it is under the Defence point of view and not Prosecutors. Hmm. ヽ((◎д◎ ))ゝ
Can't wait to get my IPhone4! I really cannot wait! Finally a new phone after 2 years! I feel so gooooooood. ( ´艸｀)
It;s actually currently 6am! And I'm not asleep yet! ヽ(ﾟ◇ﾟ )ﾉ
Just finished cropping out my product picture and I still got more to be done actually. But I'm going to do that tomorrow including finish designing all my pages and also design the catalog soon!
I'm turning in soon right after I type finish this entry. Hmm. Okay, I shall talk about the earthquake that hit Japan yesterday! Well, I was very much all Lala-ing around when I started to take things seriously after that and went to search for the survivors from the Japan earthquake. I was wondering whether the JE boys were ok! And I saw that all the newS members were a-okay! But then monkeu posted on facebook that しげ and 増田 were not confirmed yet and my heart literally sank （/TДT)/
But thankfully, I managed to find some news that しげ was fine and my heart felt so much better after that but then 増田 still doesn't have news! But I read on another site saying that all the news members are fine! Hmm, so which source is reliable? And also I went to search the J-rock bands and I was relieved that they were all safe, including ガゼット, シド, アリス九號, LM.C, Kagrra, etc were ok too! Lucky! o(TωT )
I hope the rest of the other people whom are injured to get well soon! I know that tonnes of people died after the magnitude of 8.9 hit Japan and I pray that they will rescue everyone soon enough! Heard that Singapore has sent over some troops to help out with the catastrophe over at Japan. Which is actually good, Singapore is lending a hand to help!
Sometimes I feel really unwanted. I don't know, but I feel as though that I'm no longer that person which has to first priority in everything anymore. Without talking to me wouldn't hurt as much as now people tend to make do. I feel so useless! o(；△；)o Could it be my fault for all the times that I became angry over small issues? Yeah maybe, or else it is just rumours which we are all being stuck up and get affected by them. I hate the fact that I cannot talk nor want to talk because I don't like taking initiative at all. I just don't like doing it so. I like people to talk to me or ask me regards to something first. People get tired of doing so, I know but I will only take the initiative if I don't feel so embarrassed doing so or else make the person feel as though I need the person so badly. I don't
like people to look at me in a way that I need help most of the time or just need someone to be there for me all time. Only once in a while, I just want someone to pamper me alittle and just whine to me alittle because I'm a girl! (´□｀｡) Now it makes me feel as though I'm in need which i clearly do not want to show it because it makes me feel small and I have no right to do so as well because this isn't how I should be feeling. Heh. I just want my priority as a best friend first among everyone else and not hear about the ramblings of other people and their missing presence no longer. If I am not there, will they even talk about me? I don't think so because it will stir up more rumours. This is just so plain annoying, I hope there is a method for me to stop expecting or hoping for such miracle to happen once again. I'm going to stay away the best I could for now or else try to talk things out if there is opportunity but OPPORTUNITY IS DAMN RARE THAT I CANNOT FIND A CHANCE TO DO SO NEITHER DO I WANT TO TAKE THE INITIATIVE FOR THAT TO HAPPEN EITHER ヾ(▼ﾍ▼；) So annoying that I feel like giving up half the time I feel as though I'm not really needed there. I feel so insecure that I want to bang my head on the wall.
Hope tomorrow is a better day and also hope that 増田 will have news too!
I'm trying my best on how to use Ameba and I guess this could just be a place where I can type all I want without anyone knowing! I feel so much at ease typing here. (・∀・)
エドワードとロイ
I've been through horrible crap this week having to hand up submission after submission, I totally feel like dying. But I nevertheless still have fun alongside with the people whom camp over my house to do work! My room is just too cosy that everyone just feels like sleeping after doing work for while ははは。
I totally fail at being cute over on Ameba! I don't know how those Japanese girls actually do their cute post with such cute emoticons. I fail! And I'm typing with english, even more fail! I think should start taking up Japanese. Yeah after I learn driving most probably. For the safety of the people crossing the roads etc, please beware the reckless driver which is me.
I pray hard that this week will go smoothly and it will end nicely as well.
私は神の助けてください！*:..｡o○☆ﾟ･:,｡*:..｡o○☆
I don't
Now it makes me feel as though I'm in need which i clearly do not want to show it because it makes me feel small and I have no right to do so as well because this isn't how I should be feeling. Heh. I just want my priority as a best friend first among everyone else and not hear about the ramblings of other people and their missing presence no longer. If I am not there, will they even talk about me? I don't think so because it will stir up more rumours. This is just so plain annoying, I hope there is a method for me to stop expecting or hoping for such miracle to happen once again. I'm going to stay away the best I could for now or else try to talk things out if there is opportunity but OPPORTUNITY IS DAMN RARE THAT I CANNOT FIND A CHANCE TO DO SO NEITHER DO I WANT TO TAKE THE INITIATIVE FOR THAT TO HAPPEN EITHER ヾ(▼ﾍ▼；) So annoying that I feel like giving up half the time I feel as though I'm not really needed there. I feel so insecure that I want to bang my head on the wall. 
