idk why im feeling so..... alone ?
i thikn ineed socialization and i feel like i have no friends but i dont want to reach out ot any of them because i think it would be exhausting,
everyone is different now, im not the same person i used to be and i feel like my friends would expect me to be the same. i just dont really feel like myself and idont want anyone to expect anything from me. i feel like i cut my own friends off but i feel like its not like they actually take the time to talk to me or anything. i just feel like its hard to want to have any type of social interaction with anyone. i just feel like its painful and i really dont want to waste my time. i want to talk to someone but i dont want to initiate and i dont know how to even start or keep a conversation going. i just feel so exhausted all the time. i just dont like feeling alone.
i recently i feel like me and my friends have grown apart and i just dont know them anymore. im starting to feel like they dont even deserve to know who i am anymore because im realizing that i put in effort to make time for them and visit and see them and they never done that for me. i used to always keep in touch but its just that i feel like all my efforts arent reciprocated. its kinda painful. we have been friends for so long and barely realizing that it was just me putting in effort? why do i even try. it jsut really makes me feel like no one deserves to know me or know how im doing. it always sucks being the only one who cares.