I should feel happy and free - but I'm not.
There's just too much burdening me.
1) my car:
I bought a Opel Astra GTC which is since I've bought it every two weeks in the garage. Reason: a defect sensor which brings me wrong notifications and de-fastens my car. I've spent that much money in my car Tora already (last time: today) and still... it just don't works.
My car is my only connection to my friends, my hobbies and my girlfriend... it's so important to me that it works.
2) all the people I'm so thankful but not able to show it to them, those are:
my best friend Ryu: her birthday is soon but... she just... moved so far away from me with the things she likes I just don't know what to buy for her. And that makes me so guilty cause she always buys me gorgeous presents and... me... is just... yes.
my granddad: he made so much for me because of my broken car, drove me to work, repaired a lot on Tora and stuff... his birthday is soon too and... I should have more time for him... you see: again, I feel guilty. I don't know nothing. Wether how to spent more time with him, nor what to buy for his birthday.
Zero: she ordered for me VIP-Gazette-Tickets. I want to give her sth but... yes... you're right: dunno what. Every stuff I was thinking about is NOTHING against her grateful attitude buying for me and my girl Gazette-Tickets.
3) vacation:
Me and my girl want to drive to Italy this year. And guess who is doing the whole organisation? Yes. Me. Additionally it's my birthday-present for her (she's gettin 18 this year) so everything HAS - TO - BE - PERFECT. Problem: we don't even have a hotel, cause I just had no time for looking after a good one (which is not too expensive, cause I don't shit money though it seems so). I know it sounds silly. But I'm really really afraid. Of the costs, the long journey, if my ill stomach will be okay, etc..
4) Internet:
I've got UMTS-Internet via Vodafone. And my advice to you: no. Don't do it EVER. NEVER VODAFONE. The Internet sucks so much either it is completely shut down or it is so slow (like now) you can't even get into facebook or blogspot. This is now since January 2012 like this. in January 2014 I'll get out of my contract but... I don't know if my nerves will survive this time.
5) my not ready appartement/things I want to do but can't because of no time:
I want to sew stylish cushions or curtains for my appartement, want to beautify my balcony, I want to sew old clothes bigger/stylisher/shorter... but there's just no time for that. When my girl is with me, my whole attention is at her and that's good like it is. And on the weekends she's not there I'm even to whacked to meet my other friends.
All these topics would not be that bad. But I'm all on my own.
"Reita will make this."
To be honest... I feel too weak atm to do this, too done in for caring about anything else than sleeping/smoking. My head is empty and I don't know how to load me up again. I've got no answer to all of this shits. I just want it to be over soon.