Recently, I have been studying auditing and English, driven by a longing for change. I want to transform myself, expand my opportunities, and eventually live abroad. This desire for growth gives me motivation and a sense of direction.
However, when I returned to my hometown for the first time in a year and a half, I felt something very different. The streets and buildings were the same, and my memories still remained, but the people I used to be close to were gone. Time had moved on, and I was left with a strange emptiness. It was difficult to accept that the world I once knew no longer existed in the same way.
At first, I thought this was a contradiction: on one hand, I want change, but on the other, I resist it. But reflecting on it more deeply, I realized these are two different sides of human nature. We long for progress and transformation when it is our choice, but we also feel sadness and even grief when change happens beyond our control.
Perhaps this tension does not mean I am lost. Instead, it means I am human—capable of holding both hope for the future and attachment to the past. Recognizing this complexity helps me understand myself better.