「 The Queen's excerpt. 」

I should have posted this excerpt I wrote over 2 years ago, from my first story.

I thought I had lost the file when my ASUS Padfone 2 got reset.

Thank goodness I realized that I had saved it and sent it to myself via email.
 

This excerpt takes place on the night of Queen Natalia and King Corbin's 300th Anniversary party.

I hope you enjoy the read. ^_^  

「 The Queen's excerpt. 」

-

1. Prologue

I never knew it would come to this day.

Everything is finally at peace, again.

I remember that day he glanced at me from across the room at the orphanage, like as if it was just yesterday. I was the newest member, confused and lost at the fact that my life had just turned upside down.

My parents are dead.

That was fact.

I had lost all memory of my existence, as well.

I felt so lost and insecure.

I could never forget that feeling.

Little did I know, until years later, that my parents were the undercover royal protectors, who risked their lives to save the people from the rebellious war that could have wiped out the existence and any meaning of what it was to be considered “human”.

They were the real heroes, but that’s supposed to be a secret.

I don’t want to remember my past.

‘Now’ is what really matters.

I keep trying to tell myself that.

-

2. A new beginning... finally.

As I looked out into the distance, I watched the tips of the grass dancing ever so in sync with the light breeze. It was as if the wind was playing a peaceful tune.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

“Natalia?” a voice said from behind me.

It was Corbin. My husband.

“Mmmm... This is peaceful,” I said with my eyes still closed.

He wrapped his arm around my waist.

“Can you believe it has been 300 years since the first time we looked out into this sunset?” he asked.

I took another deep breath of the ever so fresh air, letting the warmth of the setting sun brush against my skin.

I opened my eyes, looking straight into Corbin’s bright blue eyes and smirked at him.

“Glad I don’t feel THAT old,” I joked.

He chuckled as he put his hand over my cheek.

“Happy anniversary, my dear.”

“Happy anniversary,” I said as I smiled at him, wrapping my left arm around the back of his neck and tugged on his tie with my right.

“I love you. It’s simply amazing how we can spend eternity just like this.”

Our lips touched.

His grasp around my waist tightened.

We stayed like this for several minutes more before I realized how long we were out here for.

“Hun, I think Alexander must be thinking we’ve excused ourselves from the party for way too long. I don’t want his mind wandering. Maybe we should go back inside. We have to get ready soon.”

We both sighed as we budded our heads together and smiled.

“I suppose you’re right.” Corbin said with a light chuckle.

He lifted his head and guided me back inside the castle.

My long satin black dress glimmered from the light of the chandelier as we walked through the two tall frosted glass doors held open by the guards from the inside.

I smiled and nodded at them.

“There you two lovebirds are!” Alexander said as he walked from across the red carpeted hall with his hands up in the air.

“Sorry doctor, the sunset is just too beautiful. You know that it doesn’t ever fail to amaze us,” Corbin answered.

Alexander sighed and then smiled warmly at us.

“Ah why yes. It is the best of weather tonight. Perhaps, you two will have time for star viewing when it gets dark.”

I rested my head against Corbin’s shoulder and smiled at Alexander.

“Yes. That is our plan.”

“Well, we should get ready for the next part of the party. I think the audience is ready for the performance,” Alexander reminded.

“You two need to get changed.”

-

3. Stars, we are.

I took a deep breath before I walked into the spotlight with the mic in my hand.

Corbin followed behind me.

“Thank you for coming to our 300th anniversary. To mark this special day, Corbin and I have a present for you all. Actually, make that Corbin, Dr. Alexander, my daughter, Shelli, her husband, David, and I.”

The audience laughed.

Corbin took over as I directed the mic towards him. “Most of you have never seen the musical side of us, have you? Well, you guys are lucky. Tonight, you will finally witness me playing the guitar, while my wife blow you away with her singing.”

“Oh Corbin, you tease.” I blushed.

The audience expressed their amusement at how entertaining we were.

“Without further adieu,” Corbin began again, “let us introduce the rest of the band.”

“Doctor Alexander on drums, Shelli on guitar and keyboard,” I said as the rest of the band walked on stage.

“And, David on bass and violin,” Corbin finished off.

The crowd applauded as we got into our positions.

“Tonight, we are going to rock the castle with songs that are perfect for this occasion,” I shouted.

The audience clapped and after that, we played a couple of our own original songs before Corbin and I switched roles.

Corbin cleared his throat before he made an unexpected speech to our audience.

“This song meant a lot to me when I first met Natalia,” he began. Then, he turned his head and looked at me, “I knew those first days at the orphanage were the hardest for you. Natalia, you have me, even to this day and you will always have me by your side. You surpassed those hardships. We, together, made it through.”

I almost teared up. Corbin always gave good speeches.

I went up to the mic stand in front of me.

“Thank you,” I said sincerely, with my hand across my heart from the warmth of Corbin’s words.

“Okay. Enough of my heartfelt speech,” Corbin said as he raised his hand and signaled us his fingers to start, “And a one, two, three, four...”

Shelli started with the piano portion of the cover and David followed with his violin.

“I will be singing a cover of a song that represented the support of each other during the fight we endured all these years. We arranged it to be more rock styled, as well. The song is called

“River Flows in You by Yiruma,” I explained, while holding centre stage.

There's a road inside your heart made just for you

Don't be scared, take your first step and then take two

Pain will come but I believe you can endure

Further down that road, just trust a little more

Holding you, holding you, it's in you river flows in you

Slow it down, slow it down, that river flows inside me too

Holding you, holding you, it's in you river flows in you

Waiting now, waiting now, just be strong, you will make it through

If you let me, I will give my heart to you

So that I can feel you, what else can I do?

Can you hold on just a little longer still?

In your heart if you believe it then you will

I walked up to the edge of the stage. As I was singing, I could see that many in the audience were touched by our performance. Many were swaying to the beat of the song and I could see that some actually teared up. It was indefinitely because the lyrics meant a lot to Corbin and I.

The audience seemed to have understood the meaning behind Corbin’s speech and the hardships we faced to get to this very day.

The audience stood up and gave us a standing ovation.

They loved it!

It was a wonderful feeling to have when your people understand you and the hardships you went through in order to protect each and every one of them, how you have struggled to maintain that reputation and strived to keep the love burning as strong as it has and more.

-

4. Shooting stars.

As tradition holds, Corbin and I go star gazing once the party is over.

Shelli and David go for their usual late night ride into the hills across the prairie, located right outside the castle walls.

Corbin laid out a blanket on top of the grass.

As we laid on it to watch the stars, Corbin wrapped his arm around me.

Naturally, I turned my body towards his and rested my head on his chest, while wrapping my arm around him.

I closed my eyes to listen to his heartbeat.

I let out a sigh of happiness and thankfulness for every moment we got to share together.

I felt Corbin kiss my forehead and his grip around my shoulder tightened, pulling me even closer to him.

I slowly opened my eyes, as I felt Corbin’s eyes watching me as I looked up at him, smiling.

“It’s so beautiful tonight,” I said as I looked towards the night sky.

“It sure is a sight to see,” Corbin replied, as he started identifying the constellations.

All of a sudden, I thought a star was moving towards our direction from the right.

“Ehhh??? A shooting star!!!”

I quickly pointed up at it as it moved.

“Lucky night,” shouted Corbin in amazement.

We saw a few more before the fireworks display started.

Tonight was such an unforgettable night.

I could never forget how amazing tonight turned out to be.

And, as always, everything Corbin and I want as keepsake will be recorded in our Court Memorabilia Records.

These are our journals, our experiences, and our thoughts, as the protectors of the people and this castle.

Tomorrow, we will renew our vows again, as we do this at every anniversary.

Cheers to eternity!

Corbin, Happy anniversary.

I love you.

-

Natalia Ann Tse © 2016

All Rights Reserved.

Depression, through my eyes ~

Once again, I'd like to share this.
This happens to people everyday. And, it isn't easy.

Every one of us have our own story to tell of how we struggled to survive with it.

I've been depressed, since I was about 10 years old. My parents concentrated on the lighting business, which made me feel lonely. On top of that, as my grades declined, and my hunger for attention from my parents increased, caused me to have even more suicidal thoughts.

My mother is a controlling narcissist in many ways. To break from that, I was cutting myself and confining myself to small enclosed spaces, to fill the void of security and attention. A very unhealthy time for me.

My dad? He was always about the business. Seldomly, do I ever get to spend time with him. When I did, he would sometimes spoil me with things I like. Like, Sailor Moon merchandise or going to a theme park. But, that was rare and wasn't enough to help me feel better or more like a kid, anyway.

He, also, was much of a dictator. He cheated on my mother , our family (on the record) twice. First time, I was only one year old. The second one being the mistress, got pregnant with my dad's baby, now with a son named Andy, who is, now, probably around 4 or 5 years old.

My dad, once, refered to me as "just a pet", when Andy was born. He doesn't even consider me as his daughter anymore. His ego is more important than my feelings. I get it. I don't have any respect for him anymore. Believe me, I used to.

Anyhow, continuing on . . .

Even from 10-12 years old, I found that I much rather exclude myself from people and be by myself during recess, than to play with my friends. I was getting very insecure with myself and even wore a mask 24/7 to hide my depression symptoms from showing.

Everyday, after school, I would get picked up by the babysitter and do my homework, and play, or not play with the kids there. My only real friend was Julie. We had fun. That was probably the only time I ever felt like myself. Love you, Julie. 

I would get yelled at by my mother for having poor grades. She would strip me and beat me with a stick, which obviously made my depression even worse. That scar in my memories will never fade.

My grades, even when I was doing Dental Assisting, in college, wasn't good enough for her. Even with eight A's and four B's or a 92% on the very first dental instruments quiz of the whole program, it wasn't good enough. My mother never praised me. She only said, "That's the mark you are supposed to get!" I graduated with a GPA of 3.74 out of 4. Yes. I was in the honour roll for both semesters and could apply for scholarships.

As a kid, having to get up bright and early on Saturdays and whichever holidays, just to go to work with my parents, didn't help either. Watching my parents as they tended to customers while sitting down on the staircase, behind a closed door, being bored to death, I always felt alone and wanted to cry. Always tried to act older than my age, to, hopefully, be more of what my parents wanted me to be, no matter how much it destroyed me inside.

Sometimes, as punishment for doing something wrong, she would make me stand out on the steps in the pitch black of night. My nightmares haunted me from that point on. I can almost NEVER sleep without, at least, a night light on anymore, when I sleep alone. I remember my mind, sometimes, played games with me, envisioning some demon, grim reaper, or fiend peering at me from afar. I blinked twice, again and again.

Never had a childhood, never had an allowance, never had any freedom, never really had a birthday party, or got to hang out with my friends on a regular basis like all my other friends.

I felt alone in a wretched world of lonliness and dark thoughts, being forced by my mother to go take a shit at 4pm or any other specific time, everyday; and if I couldn't, she would hit me and yell at me. Yea. Unreal and crazy, eh?!

In recent years, my mother said this to me in January 2014 . . .
"Freedom is not a right. It has to be earned."

Since, when was I stripped of my rights as a human being? As a Canadian? Since, when did human rights did not apply to me?

There were times where I wondered if I was adopted. There were times where I had contemplated on running away. There were times where I wanted to kill myself.

To think I'm almost 30 years old now, and still alive. The struggle is real.

Through the years, I didn't know who I was. Visual Kei, especially, X Japan and hide saved me from my initial misery. Then, it was Dir en Grey. Visual Kei became a part of my survival. Hence why it is a part of me and will forever be a part of me. It helped me in the process of finding myself and building myself.

I have struggled to survive and live with depression. Chronic depression. I have my ups and downs. But, I have fought through it all, so far, and hopefully made me stronger, and continue to do so.

REBORN AGAIN ~ [~ CHAPTER II ~]

REBORN AGAIN 

[A Story by Natalia Ann Tse]

Natalia Ann Tse © 2016

- - -

[ CHAPTER II ]

Every time I look into Kazu’s eyes, I felt my heart yearning and begging to stay in the paradise as we knew it. It wasn’t going to disappear unless I wanted it to anyway. At this moment, I sensed that he doesn’t want to leave.

I said, “If you want to move out, you can come live with me. Your parents should understand that you want your freedom too.”

Kazu looked at me with uncertainty.

I reassured him, “I’m pretty sure I can convince your parents to let you find your own independence. Besides, they like me. They know that you would be in good hands with me.” Kazu nodded after a short contemplation on this. I know why though.

He’s afraid of the world. He’s afraid of change. He’s afraid of judgment from those around him, condemning him for being different.

I was once in that position too, as I was left on my own, to fend for myself. So, I understand why he is so afraid.

After embracing for what seemed like hours, he finally felt more at ease, now that we had a plan. So, we returned to the gloomy world which reality existed.

I noticed when I was younger, that the aura around this place tends to get darker and darker as time went by. All the greed, hate, grief, anger, and burdens of the lives around us stand out more than ever and more than any happiness and love that ever existed on this planet. The humans weren’t happy. Their auras don’t lie. I can see the truth in this world and it is not a pretty one either.

“Every man for himself,” they say. Foolish humans. It doesn’t need to be this way. At this point, the only thing that matters to me is Kazu’s happiness, as well as my own. You can call me selfish, but in the world I see with my naked eyes, nobody ever cared if you were even alive.

“Kazu, let’s talk to your parents tomorrow, okay? Give them some time to calm down tonight. I promise you, I will make this happen. Okay?” I reassured Kazu, as I gave him a tight hug and kissed him.

“We’ll get through this,” I said, as I wrapped my hand in his.

- - -

The next day, I went over to Kazu’s place after work to sit his parents down. I explained to them, as Kazu sat beside me, that he needed room to grow, if he were to be self sufficient and become the best he could possibly be. Kazu can always come back home to visit, as I did not live far from their house. I reassured that Kazu would be in the right place, as we wanted to have a future together anyway.

His parents were very silent, as if they were trying to dissect our intentions. Kazu’s mother, Lena, finally spoke up, after a brief moment of contemplating into consideration for what was best for their son.

“Kazu is an adult now and I know he loves you very much, Tsuki,” Lena said. She turns to her husband, who was clearly still resentful of yesterday’s argument. Lena continued, “Tsuki, Kazu, please visit us often.” She turns to me and said, “I know he will be a fine gentleman and a wonderful husband to you, one of these days.”

His parents knew that they were holding Kazu back. He should be able to go out and spread his wings.

Kazu gathered most of his necessities, as I went back to my apartment to make room for his arrival.

Before, I left the house, Kazu pulled me outside the glass doors to the fenced garden on the left side of the house.

“Thank you, Tsuki. I really do love you more and more. You with your confidence. You and your way with words, how do you do it?” he said as he inched closer to me with a kissing embrace.

I blushed at his kind words. He never did let me respond to that.

- - -

Kazu, finally, felt at ease as he unpacked his belongings. Now that we were living together, this would also be a test for the both of us as well.

At least, Kazu won’t have to be miserable anymore listening to his parents’ nagging about growing up. What prevented Kazu from growing up and finding his way, was he was not able to express anything to his parents without judgment.

I understand that as I’ve seen it happen a lot around me.

Never getting the chance to spread your wings and fly away or learning to be comfortable in your own skin, developing a kind of confidence you only gain after you’ve been able see the world around you and making it flow around you to your own advantage.

Life is about learning skills, utilizing them, and accepting your own weaknesses, working on them to make you stronger.

- - -

(to be continued...)