** heart monologues **

Bleeding heart: I did’nt know that to allow myself to beat for another would be so hurting in the end. Who would know that four years of allowing myself to beat for you would be a seemingly lifetime of pain. Am all so broken now and I’ll never know if like humpty dumpty I could ever put the broken pieces of me to life again

Tired heart: I thought I can go on beating for you for life. I thought I can bare all the stabbing pain you bring to me. I told myself I would be nobody after you so I tried to hang on, but tonight it never crossed my mind I’ll be at the last knot of my hold on the rope. I won over my mind, I was able to convince my mind that I had enough. My mind gave orders to my hand and like *richard Cory it pumps a bullet on the head

Pusong mammon a.k.a crazy heart: They say am such a crazy heart. I was assigned to a perfect body with a perfect face men/women would fall for. But one thing I discovered, the heart knows no rules. I learned to beat for another heart whose body strongly resembles the body am trapped in. I always wonder who sets the rules of loving or rather why should there be unwritten rules of loving when loving recognizes no logic. Now my very existence sucks and every beat spells depression

Numb heart: hey! Nobody will ever be able to hurt me again. I had enough four blows in a row is enough…why do you come back knocking at my door? Why only now that I learned not to let myself beat for another again…I tried to dig deep inside of me when my eyes saw the sight of you but sorry to say..i just discovered I am not anymore capable of beating for another heart

Cheatin heart: My heart knows not the word loyalty. Who cares about loyalty when you are blessed enough to be able to beat inside a well crafted body. Another heart’s goodbye wont affect me any bit coz I know somebody else will come knockin to take your place

SURVIVING HEART: after tiring relationships, I now survived and ready to beat for someone else. I may be bruised, torned, and almost bled to death before, but those experiences taught me a lot to be stronger and wiser. Next time I will fall in love again, I know what I am going to do next time because I learned my lessons well.

Happy heart: I’m in perfect harmony with my mind. The body assigned to me aint a perfect one but am glad I found another heart who would beat for me with pleasant rhythm more than anyone can hear.

== TEARS ==

** To friends trying to let go and to friends locking up their tears **

There was once a time when a lady let her tears fall into. A common friend just broke her heart. It struck me right into my weakness. I know I should not cry. I pretended to be naive and unaffected. But a few more drops of her tears proved me wrong. Tears of my own glittered my cheeks. Such is the power of her tears, her tears of sorrow. Tears of sorrow, undoubtedly, are the most contagious of all tears.

What are tears for? I don’t want to know. But I know they come along with pain. They come uninvited, gate crashing right into our doorstep, without a warning, not even a knock. What factors invite them into our life?

Let us ignore the other factors and concentrate with the usual suspect, which is love. “Love begins with one hello”, goes a lyric of a song, love brings happiness, and tags along tears of joy. A number of relationships prosper and splintered lovers’ lives with more tears of joy. Unfortunately, “love also ends with goodbye”, a greater number is punctuated with tears of sorrow. Some are genuine while others are merely “crocodile tears”, providing the last nail of the coffin for those with genuine tears.

Tears of sorrow mark the start of ending something. It signifies that something we treasure so much has come to an end and that we are caught unready, dumbfounded. And so we cry, we let loose some tears. Does this cure the pain?

They say that tears should not be locked up inside us. They say that tears are meant to roam freely. Let them flow for it is their task to take with them that something stuck within our heart down the drain. For if not, that something will forever stay with us, together with the pain, and more pain as time passes by. Moving on will be impossible. Thus, I came to realize that the first step of moving on is letting go, letting go of the tears.

In contrast to common notion, to shed a tear is not a sign of weakness but rather of strength to continue living life. It is a sign of moving on. It is a sign of maturity. It is a sign of acceptance. It shows that we are matured enough to accept the fact that we are hurt, that we are in great pain. But despite the pain, we are ready to move on. It is a sign that we acknowledge defeat in battle, we grieve, we pause for a moment, only to gain enough strength to continue fighting for another battle until the last of our breath is consumed. “The battle may have been lost but the war was won”, a great general once said. And so is life in general and love in particular. We lost one love or two, or even more, but we’ll find someone to love forever. When tears for the ones we’ve just lost flow, it only shows that our hope to find what we are searching for remains. Tears express our undying spirit. And tears likewise call for our second wind. That explains why we seemed relieved after a bucketful of tears had been shed.

I envied my lady friend. She doesn’t hate tears. She doesn’t hide them. She shows them with pride. She lets them fall. She seemed so weak when she cried to me but look at her now she’s a picture of a very strong woman who, despite the pain and the heartaches, is ready to love again. “The scars are still visible but the pain is gone” was all I remembered she said. I couldn’t agree more.

~~ CANT FIND WAY TO SAY GOODBYE ~~

how i wish it was that easy to let you go.

how I wish it was that easy to forget all those fun memories we’ve had.

I tried remembering the bad times we’ve had so that it’ll be easier for me to go on

but you know what?

I can’t find any.

Sometimes, when a person gets to love someone too much・・・・

There’s a tendency for that person to find it hard to love someone else that fast. But you know, the more we push this relationship farther,

the more the bond gets weaker,

I can feel it.

If this result into seperation... i hope i won't cry huge amounts of tears anymore.

I miss you, but not like how I used to miss you.

I know this’ll come. The moment you've been waiting for, the time when it’s easy

for me to move away and forget you.

All this time you make me feel that you just taking me for granted hurts me, but then again, I can’t do anything about it.

Do you still remember the painful things you’ve told me? 'Coz I still do...

Day by day, as I endure the pain of separation, those words haunt me.

You know, I got tired.

I’m getting tired of ur lies that u always have....

anyway.... you never try to understand what I'm trying to say ・・・・・・・・・・

There's a point in life when you get tired of chasing everyone...

And trying to fix everything........

but it's not giving up ・・・・・・

It's realizing that you don't need certain people & the bullshit they bring

I’ll let you believe the ideas your head is giving you.