It's been a while.
I need to get these thoughts out of my head.
I feel like I am never doing enough. I am riding a wave of guilt as if I should do more, and yet I know I have done more than most people. I feel as though my contributions to libertarians are nothing but mistakes and that if I were to show my face in public, I would somehow be disgraced. Honestly I don't care. I do, but moreso I don't.
Now that I think about it, I have spent a large majority of my lifetime feeling miserable. I'm never enough for anyone and especially not for myself. Even when I am told in no unjcertain terms differently. I have quality people who value me.
In my desire to be something great I find that I am on a track for mediocrity and I'm ok with that. For now. I have neither the energy nor desire to do anything else now.
Other people are picking up the slack. I don't have enough successes to lead. I seem to burn everything I touch so I shall put myself in a place where I am touching nothing.
Maybe I should try writing again. Creative writing. What I really need though is more energy. I have none. Because I don't eat well consistently.
This helped.
But also.
My heart aches. For Palestine. For how fascism is rearing its ugly head. For what's to come. It aches. And at times it is unbearable. How do we live on?
Timely message.
