Snippets of Happiness

Well, the second term has officially started an a lot of things already happened, both good and bad. I'm hoping the good ones continue and blossom. I'll do my best to make that happen - with God's guidance of course. :)

Yesterday, I went out with my cousin. Mainly for shopping for necessary work materials, well as catching up. We've been good friends since our childhood days and back then we've been really close. It makes me happy that even after 20 years, nothing changed and we're still as weird as ever together. Hahaha. :)




We had a great lunch at Tao Yuan in Manila's Lucky China Mall. We bonded and swapped stories and gaggled about fun stuff. We hope to do so again soon. :)

In other news, I cooked some spicy spare ribs for dad earlier.

Looks awesome, right? I hope he'd like it. I'm cooking some fish for my mum and I later. Haha. We're not too happy with pork, you see. :)

That's all for now. until the next post! :)

Voiceless

Sometimes I feel trapped inside my body. 

Like I have to say something, rant about 

things and will up uncharted emotions 

laying dormant in my body, waiting 

patiently for the right moment to erupt. 

When it does come out, my entire  

being and explodes and I convey what I 
feel through uncensored words.  

It's only during that moment when I feel 
like I am someone with a voice, someone 
who has an opinion on a plethora of issues 
personal and impersonal alike. Then, I  
realise that it's impossible to be completely 
free to express yourself when you are 
living in this House.  

Earlier, I had such an opportunity and I took it. 
It's unfortunate that I had to do so when both 
my parents were home and we were having 
coffee. It would have been  okay if they just 
told me to keep my opinions to myself, but to 
do so just because of 'etiquette' and 'appearance' 
made ​​me feel worthless.  

Looks like only two out of three people are 
allowed to rant over evil people and stuff 
in this house and I'm not one of them. It's 
either I shut up or I turn my entire self off, 
opting to act like someone else - someone 
with a very flat personality. It's either I say
things in a more 'acceptable' way in a very 
'pleasant' pitch, tone and volume, or what 
I say is nothing but crap in need of shelving.

For people who say such things, they didn't
have qualms expressing themselves the same
way. Earlier, I actually didn't know if I should 
laugh or cry at the hypocrisy. After a while,
the tears started to fall and everything just
flowed out in a wave of self-loathing. 

It's always like this. My dad never says sorry,
my mum will try to act all friendly and funny
in the belief that everything will be okay again, 
and I, the loser in all of this, will just accept
things as they are and toughen up, repeating
"Big girls don't cry." over and over until 
the tears left inside my body dries up, until
the next time they are needed. 

I am tired of this. I seriously am.
I can't move away because they are my 
only family and they are in need of
constant care and love and everything. 
I'm not that heartless to leave them alone
for too long without contact even though
sometimes I find myself wanting to do so
- in a place where I can do what I want, 
however I want and say what I want to say 
however way I want to say it. No judgments,
no hypocrisy, just plain old acceptance.

because really, this, the place I am in right now? 
It's like being in my own private prison. The 
depressing thing is, I'm totally on my own in this. 

Sucks balls but I have to deal, because I know
that this too, shall pass. I just have to be more
prepared and tough for next time. 

Seriously though, somebody, take me away.

Whoa, Beans! :)

Found three people in one of the
Pigg towns (Or whatever you call
them. I'm still new to this), and
they are also not from Japan.

One is from Indonesia, I think,
another from Taiwan, and the last
one is from the same country as I.
How awesome is that? :)

Too bad I didn't get to talk
to them much. I have some
lessons to go through. Finals
is tomorrow, so I couldn't stay
long. Still, I hope to see them
around when I'm free. :)

For now, I have to concentrate
on computations. My head is going
to atrophy soon, I can tell!
Hahaha! :)