Getting dumped is one of the most emotionally challenging experiences, especially when you thought there was potential for a future together. Sometimes the end comes as a complete shock, but often there are signs along the way. You may have chosen to look the other way or rationalize the heck out of every painful comment or action in the relationship. You wanted it to work. But then it's over. It's devastating. In extreme cases, it can even feel like you're going through withdrawal from an addiction. What can you do to make it better?
4 Tips for Getting Over Your Ex
1) Cut off all contact. Don't hang out where he/she hangs out. That also means unfriending on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, email, phone, etc. Don't stalk him/her on any dating sites. You don't want any signs of that person in your life. This will lessen your thoughts of your ex, which will eventually make it easier to move on. Pau Gasol Authentic Jersey
2) Don't talk about your ex. In the beginning, especially if you were dumped, you will be very hurt and want to talk about it. You'll ruminate. You'll dream about it. And then you'll talk some more. Your friends will listen until they can't take it any more. Some will be kind enough to ask you to stop. I had a client who was obsessing about her ex. She couldn't stop the negative mind chatter. 'What did I do wrong to cause the relationship to fail? Why did I say that to him? If I only did this or that, he wouldn't have broken up with me.' I told her that she couldn't use his name in a conversation with me anymore. She now calls him 'The Schmuck', but even that is not okay. The less she talks about him, the less she he will be front and center in her mind. And eventually, the pain will lessen and she'll find a better man.
3) Get busy doing great things. Keep yourself occupied with activities that will keep your mind off of your ex. Learn a new skill/hobby. Take a trip that you've been dreaming of. A good kind of busyness will help you like your life again. It will help you fall in love with yourself, which is the best way to avoid dating people like your ex again.
4) Don't date to forget. It's easy to jump into a new relationship on the rebound. Don't do it. I've seen too many clients who got remarried within one year of a divorce and divorced again a few years later. You need time to heal. Go on a dating detox. Take the time to be with yourself. Keep a journal. Discover why you chose your ex. Perhaps there is a pattern for choosing similar people who keep leaving you. Learn why you chose to stay, and what you might have done to contribute to the relationship ending. Find yourself a coach or therapist and learn what to do better next time. This includes making better choices from the onset of a relationship.
I suggest waiting about a year after a longterm relationship ends to begin dating again. This may seem like a long time, but it's so important. You don't want to go unconscious or numb in dating. Mindfulness and awareness of yourself, your boundaries, your relationship needs, and your ideal match will bring you the best dating results.
This is a complex issue and worthy of a much deeper discussion. These are just a few tips to make it easier for you to get over your ex. If you have other tips to share on how you got over an ex, please share your thoughts below.
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