learnt something today.

I just realised something I've been doing wrong all my life. Something that I've never seen as a real problem. But it became ever so clear to me today. Just needed somewhere to get it out of my system. :)

I never realised how important it was to let others know why I'm angry. Now doesn't that sound like something really basic? I guess I never really realised how big a problem that was.

The fact that my friends tell me they've never seen me angry before never even occurred as a problem that needed fixing. It doesn't mean I've never been angry before just No one ever knows. I tend to just keep quiet when I'm angry, immediately taking it in and letting that anger fester and simmer, after I've calmed down. I judge that person. How horrible that is. It's something I've faced being on the receiving end before.Man it is not pretty.

Perhaps that's the reason why I never really felt close to anyone but my family Haha.Sadly I realize this problem isn't unique to me. But I'm glad I identified it today.

It's OK to show anger.It isn't to judge another without giving them a chance.

I shall be a more direct and happy person henceforth. Huzzah!



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something i wrote for psychology class

For psychology class I had to write of a story of myself haha.
Sounds a little like my previous post.
Hmm.. looks like this is gonna be my philosophy of life.
Just thought I'll share it somewhere online ≧(´▽｀)≦


As I journey through the course of my life, I've come to realize that the only constant in life, the only aspect of life that will never change, is change itself. True permanence does not exist and nothing lasts forever. Instead of dwelling over incidents past, perhaps the most important quality one should prize would be the adaptability to changes, harnessing experiences gained through overcoming any situation, applying it to future challenges.
As with any other person, I have my fair share of life changing experiences, incidents that shook me. Often I reenact, recast myself in situations, evaluate how I would have reacted to a certain situation if it happened much earlier in my life and make comparisons to my actual reactions. At times, I recall previous experiences and reflect on how I would have done things better, had I the wisdom I've accumulated since. Often I've come to realize the difference perspective makes to one's reaction to an incident. How you perceive a situation in turn affects what you get out of going through that experience.
Perhaps an example to illustrate my point, I got hit by a car during my first week of school at SCAD. In a country I am foreign to, with no family around me, right after making a huge decision to travel so far from home in pursuit of an education, having never been away from home for more than a week. Sounds bad already doesn't it. That instant when I was in the air right after the hit, those moments on the ambulance, that feeling of disbelief, was pretty impactful.
Rushing off to an informal gathering of sorts arranged for international students by SCAD, I was running late after running some errands that day, packing a tight schedule for myself was what I always did for myself, seizing the day, accomplishing as much as I can within the shortest period of time. Perhaps attributed to the largely stressful city environment I was brought up in, I've always had the innate sense of urgency. Unfamiliar with the environment, I heeded unsound advice and crossed a pretty busy road in front of the bus, whilst I was fine crossing the first lane, the car on the second lane on the opposite direction was fast, unable to dodge it as much as I wanted, caught between two opposite lanes with cars coming towards me, I was struck on the side and had to be sent to the hospital. Being told that my toes were broken on the ambulance didn't help. Unfamiliar with medical procedures and insurance here, I was at a loss.
How I handled this accident however, surprised myself and many others around. Instead of being beaten down by it, I was thankful. I was glad I survived. I was glad I had heavy clothing on, glad my bones were intact, my head suffered no injury, I could still go to school. What I had gotten out of this accident was a reminder, to not disregard safety, to not speed through everyday but to take things at a more comfortable pace. Instead of suffering from trauma, I could very comfortably talk about the accident and did not miss a single class. Perhaps, a testament to the strength of my will, I am, proud that I took this experience the way I did. Had I experienced this accident way earlier in life or had I not taken this in the right perspective, I could have been down in the rut, depressed and traumatized, might have even doubted my own decision to study so far from home, who knows?
Things happen, people come and go, life goes on. When you actually expect changes, when you accept that nothing is truly permanent, doesn't that make life a lot more pleasant?