Some time ago, I ran into the quote “Love fails us, that’s because we fail love first”. At that time, I never fully understood what that saying meant, as far as my own interpretation. Love fails at least more than once in our lifetime. Love isn’t perfect. Never was, never is & never will it ever be. I believe it is bound to happen to each & everyone of us. Sometimes, we tend to focus too much on the bitter love past has brought us. Therefore, somewhat, somehow along the way, the fear of falling in love, the fear of being in love, the fear of mere love dictates our paths into building us closed guarded walls. Leads us to running & hiding to the sole thing we know deep into our hearts we truly desire. To be honest with you, at one point I thought I have grew cold hearted, I thought I never wanted to be vulnerable for love. I thought I would never let love back into my very heart, my very soul. Just because love has broke me in the past, just because love left awful & painful memories, just because love, or what I thought was love had failed me so many times in my life, does not mean I am not going to continue believing in love. Love may have failed us, and we may have failed love, but it we continue fighting for love, I trust love to continue fighting for us.
Lately, I've been getting a lot of PMs from you guys asking me for an advice to get over breakups. So to all my lovely followers, who is struggling through a heartbreak or have had a heartbreak.This post is for you. Yes, you. The one behind the screen scrolling through endless pieces of writing and photos with quotes that reassures you that you are not alone. Some type of justification for “It’s alright, others are miserable too”, so you’re sitting there dejected to participate in any type of activity towards moving on. And I get it, ‘cause truth be told, I've been there too. But remember, this isn't about me. This is about you. When people break up, your first thought is the ending like, the END of everything. And you just sit there and think to yourself that “It’s over. My life will never be the same. My life sucks, etc.” But I don’t blame you. We’re all susceptible to that type of vulnerability. Because honestly, it does suck. Especially when you know that there’s always some type of fragmentary and incomplete conversations, like, wishing you wrote down everything you really wanted to say the last time you were together. And you feel like if you do not pick up the phone and schedule another one of those “last talks before really breaking up”, those unfinished conversations turns into can’t-sleep-at-thee-am and there’s a bunch of lingering feelings hovering above your head while you try to drown these fuckin’ thoughts with a bottle of Jack. So this post is for you. For the ones who choose to drench your sorrows by masking them with nights of getting “way too fucked up until you pass out” and girl’s night out doesn’t necessarily mean catching up anymore. It suddenly means talking endlessly about how miserable you feel because you’re no longer together, so you talk and talk and cry and weep, just hoping and praying this will cleanse it out of your system. Ultimately, everyone’s just tired of the shit, so you’re back to laughing and giggling and shit-talking pretending, “I don’t care anymore” or “It’s his loss anyways.” But you go back home and when you’re all alone and you sober up, you’re damn miserable again. This one is for you. The one who still looks at his IG profile to see who are all these bitches liking his photos. Or how awesome the party looked for his mom’s 50th birthday thinking, “What if I was still part of that family?” Or who owns that second cup in his Starbucks date picture. And finally, it’s clarified that there is a new someone. And that someone is actually really pretty. And she’s educated. And she’s family oriented. And no matter how much you want to hate her, you can’t. Because something tells you that even though you didn’t have your happy ending, he’s out working on writing his. And he, fuck man, he seems happy. But this isn’t about him. This post is still about you, the one person who needs to accept the fact that it is over. I’m telling you again, it’s over. I even put in in bold writing. You have got to stop reminiscing about the past, whether good or bad, because no matter how much you cry, you go out and drink, and how much you want to flip the world upside down, it’s all but fragments of memories. One day, they will no longer fill your brain and while you try and try to remember every single detail, everyone else (but you) is out creating new ones. Did it ever cross your mind that maybe, just maybe, by doing so, you are missing out on so many possibilities and potential to write the next chapter of your life? And by being stuck in the past, you are robbing yourself (and your next somebody) of the mere chance of writing that together? I wrote this post for you. The one who is still scared to take that leap of faith and attempt to do it all over again. The one who is scared to put yourself out there, worrying if this time, it’ll just be another one of those “I invested all my time and emotions bullshit… Turns out to be another failed relationship and another waste of precious time.” And if it is, at least you pulled yourself out of the hole and managed to try and find that light. It’s never too late to find the next best thing. When you’re too buried deep in that slum, you’re depriving yourself of meeting damn so many amazing people who could possibly interest you and help you find yourself again. And if by chance you do not find love just yet, you find new friends that are fun and wonderful and people whose company you will enjoy. But that won’t happen if you won’t try. And when you do, ultimately, everything else will fall into place. Trust me. Smile and say CHUBBY BUNNY!
This is dedicated to someone, who knows me, better than I know myself. A friend, a sister and a part of myself. I miss you dearly. It's been 2 years and I still remember the last time we spoke. I miss you Elaine. I visited your mother the other day, we were talking and the next thing... we cried in each arm...
…There are certain people who come into your life, and leave a mark… Their place in your heart is tender; a bruise of longing, a pulse of unfinished business. Just hearing their name pushes and pulls at you in a hundred ways, and when you try to define those hundred ways, describe them, even to yourself, words are useless.”
The sound of your heart, is a tiny orchestra playing just for me. These things only you and I understand, are of significance, they are a mutuality, they are balanced. We are always meeting in the middle as pendulums do, and this way I can never truly be finished, as there’s always some union between the two of us. Some gravitational pull present between the hearts we hold. I’d rather tear at your soul, and rip it into little tiny paper shreds, just so I can write the words “i love you” on every piece of it . Every tiny piece of you that is me, will be remembered, will be cherished, will be loved. We are entangled within a web of lying awake at night thinking of ways to express the ways we admire the grace within the other. I am so hopelessly entranced within the feel of your hands, radiance in your stance, the mold, make, and the break of your plans. Sometimes I get so lonely inside of your love, only because I know you are not made for me and neither am I for you. I cant help but think, whoever is lucky enough to have you for eternity better know how to love you so long it actually lasts. To touch that spot in your soul that holds the perfection you have yet to release, to create with you something so beautiful, we have yet to see. You deserve it all, even if you cant get IT from me. So now I wonder, how long it’ll take me to make the changes necessary for me to become a necessity to you, to ensure my place in your heart is never filled with something ordinary. For together, you and I create and exceed all standards, all stigma. We outlive the lies of the past and create truth within this substance, this love. You are incredible and I am blessed to have known you, to know you, to have seen you grow.
“If you admire someone tell them because people never get the flowers while they can still smell them.”
I’ll always be around, never too far outside of your reach, never too deep for you to swim in. I’ll never just stand by and watch you drown, all that you ask of me will be fulfilled. Sometimes I wish you were here, I wish you never left, but most of all, I wish you well.. I wish you my very, very best.
We dont live to be ressurrected, we die and long to know that every error we’ve ever lived has somehow been detected, every mistake we’ve ever made has somehow been corrected, the person that we were has somehow been perfected, and all the love we’ve ever lost is present where expected.. in the hearts of those we love the most.
Hello my darling followers (～￣▽￣)～ I've been playing a mobile game called Fantasy Warlord for about a month or so and it's literally ridiculously addicting and fun. :) You guys should play it and add me on there. Even though I'm a big noob at this game (▰˘︹˘▰) My IGN: PAX☆Lux Alliance code: 6202444112
I don’t know why I cry so much over things I can’t control - things like people disappointing me or when they go against their word (because I am a woman of mine words) or when they hurt me after apologizing for the same act just moments ago. I don’t know why I keep trying when there is no moving these mountains anymore. I’m out of strength and out of hope. I cry for people, in moments of genuine bliss and happiness for others, or I weep for their suffering much more than my own. I cry when they’re hurt but the world can only frown and move on when I stumble. Sometimes I hate the fact that I feel so much, so often, for so many - leaving me with all these emotions and there are no longer any empty spaces under the rug to sweep them into. Not even an open crevice left. It’s my fault for growing too attached and too reliant on people but to me, friendships are an investment and I’ve given my all into each and every one of them. Especially the people I consider my family but in the end, people move on and they attain their happinesses and I’m still here figuring out what more I can give, what else there is to hold onto. I’m tired. Being sad is tiring. Being disappointed just drains the light out of me.
2 A.M. I can't sleep so I sat and browsed through my gallery with over 20 thousands photos of a bit of my life here and there and everywhere. I stopped at my graduation photos and realized that life is moving on too fast and we can't slow down. Cherish the people in your life because you never know if tomorrow they will still be there. Because the scary thing is as we grow older, the more and more people we meet, we interact and build relationships with, likewise, the more and more people we are bound to drift apart from. Some we’d love to hold on to, ones who choose to stay, ones who up & leave us, and though at times it really hurts us, we’d have to let them walk away. Letting go has always been a difficult task to a lot of us - a father giving away his daughter on her wedding day, an injured athlete having to let go of his passion, a man letting go of happy memories shared with his special woman. All but a painful and heartbreaking process when the thing called life knocks on the front door. A good friend of mine, William, said to me, “I don’t let go of my past, but I run forward with it on me at all times”. Although there are some people we have grown to love that we have to let go of, there are times we have to accept the reality that sometimes, there are people that are meant to be loved from a distance. I once heard the phrase, “Not everyone deserves a front row seat. Life is a theatre, so invite your audience carefully”. You see, not everyone we love can reciprocate the amount of love that we are willing to provide. Some fall short, and others, finds it impossible to offer at it all. Come to think of it, it’s must be an amazing feeling having to let go of the negativity and the stress ‘caused by the misfortunate relationships and events we have in our lives. The nuisance of having to tolerate the painful remembrance of someone & the memories attached to them. Imagine. Letting go does not necessarily mean to completely forget, it just simply mean to let things fall into places and keep moving forward. For us to continue in our destination, we need to release all the excess baggage we have during our journey. We must learn to travel light. In essence, in order for the show to go on, we should realize who should sit in the front row and who should be moved to the ‘balcony of our lives’, ‘cause not everyone deserves a front row seat. Remember, “You cannot change the people around you, but you can always change the people you are around”. - Unknown
Some people just never leave you. No matter how many weeks, months, years, they’ll forever be imprinted and embossed in every fiber of your being. Some say people come and go, but certainly, there are certain people that’ll everlastingly just reside, heart and mind, without ever having an intention to fade from the mental compartment that just throbs, throbs with every beat of our hearts, just persistently reminding us of every bittersweet memories of you, them, and all the things shared so passionately, to a point it overpowers every thought we may have in our heads. My mind is so restless, so impatient, and so keen to achieve its peace, the piece that’s missing that’s so difficult and so intricate to reach, only because some people just never leave you, much like a scar from a wound that will forever be a reminder of everything that you remember them by - their subtle and unique scent, those piercing eyes when they lay on yours or the way they run their fingers on your cheek. No matter how much time passes, they’re there. And they never leave.
Majority of people will always mistake kindness as weakness. However, I tell myself that as long as how I treat other people creates a subtle harmony in my own soul, the insults others try to pierce my skin with will never reach my heart. I am exulted in how I treat myself and how I treat others until they show me a reason to treat them any differently than I would my own parents. I treat everyone the same and that is something I will always hold dear; I have traveled a long way, through my merciless hatred and emotionless bitterness, to get to where I am today. I have a long way to go before I can speak about being a good person and I find myself too humble to go on a narcissistic rant about how amicable I am. I just see no reason to hate, to dwell in the words of others, to invest in so much anger; with happiness in others, I find happiness in myself. So, if my kindness is weakness, then so be it. But I can at least say that I am strong enough to forgive, to let bygones be bygones, and keep moving on with my life. If I spark a smile at unsuspecting strangers, I can only hope they’ll do the same.
Sorry for the slow updates! I've been really busy with moving back to the dorm & my first lecture was yesterday. A week ago, I was sitting in my room while and it struck me that since Uni. is starting soon I might as well go #yolo with my hair. So with that thought in mind, I decided to bleach my hair light blonde & color the tip dark green (I know! It sounds wonderful right...) Here is the outcome: It looks really good photographically but if you were aiming for an everyday look or a look that is socially acceptable. Trust me sister, this is a big no no. (╯︵╰,) About 4 days after bad life decision #56, I had to go dye my hair back to black for work and school. My hairdresser suggested me to cut my hair short because the tips were so dead from all the bleaching and hair dyes, in which I've totally foreseen. .·´¯`(>▂<)´¯`·.
He got me a medium half-bob style and red highlights on my tips. I love him and the salon! The people are professional and pleasant. I was greeted at the counter, checked-in and offered a glass of wine, although I declined. I opted for lemon flavored sparkling water, and it was delish. Andrew was my hairdresser and I LOVE HIM! Couldn't be happier! The salon name is Mimi Salon, located at northeast of downtown Austin. :) Here is the outcome:
