Now that I look back, there isn't much motivation or compelling need for me to participate in the school activities.
there probably never was, but I knowingly allowed myself to get caught up in all the crazy mess of fun joy and laughter.
I guess when I think about it now, I did it to meet more people and make more friends.
the 35 of us worked hard for each of our respective houses and made it fun and exciting.
We always put in 100%
but was it all because in the heat of the moment, we developed a passion to make our houses win, or was it all just an artificial outlet the school made for us to let off steam and put our free time into?
I received Jane's message yesterday and almost immediately thought "Heck no, who you try'na fool?"
that made me realise I actually never want to participate in any school related events ever again.
what made me get so involved in the first place?
was it really all just a synthetic dream, a man-made outlet that was just there, so convenient for me to pick up and believe in, for us to remain psychologically sound in such a stressful environment.
I don't even know how I forged so many relationships with people because of this chapter in my life.
all of us, bound by the same synthetic dream.
and now that its over, sometimes I walk past these people and sometimes I just get the feeling they want nothing to do with me anymore.
was the friendship even real?
like we all just woke up from a long and eventful dream, and we all pretended it never happened.
but it doesn't matter, because when school life ends in a couple of weeks, things that stay and things that leave will provide me with an inkling of whether what I think of is true or not, right?
right you are.
there probably never was, but I knowingly allowed myself to get caught up in all the crazy mess of fun joy and laughter.
I guess when I think about it now, I did it to meet more people and make more friends.
the 35 of us worked hard for each of our respective houses and made it fun and exciting.
We always put in 100%
but was it all because in the heat of the moment, we developed a passion to make our houses win, or was it all just an artificial outlet the school made for us to let off steam and put our free time into?
I received Jane's message yesterday and almost immediately thought "Heck no, who you try'na fool?"
that made me realise I actually never want to participate in any school related events ever again.
what made me get so involved in the first place?
was it really all just a synthetic dream, a man-made outlet that was just there, so convenient for me to pick up and believe in, for us to remain psychologically sound in such a stressful environment.
I don't even know how I forged so many relationships with people because of this chapter in my life.
all of us, bound by the same synthetic dream.
and now that its over, sometimes I walk past these people and sometimes I just get the feeling they want nothing to do with me anymore.
was the friendship even real?
like we all just woke up from a long and eventful dream, and we all pretended it never happened.
but it doesn't matter, because when school life ends in a couple of weeks, things that stay and things that leave will provide me with an inkling of whether what I think of is true or not, right?
right you are.