I am at my 3rd week back home and...
I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER than I have felt in WEEKS and MONTHS.
Maybe because I rlly rlly hate the place where I live rn lol.
And maybe because i wasn't with hime too...
I no longer have had ANY FORM of heartburn the day I arrived.
lol okay, that means a ton.
I felt a lot more alive and over the years change I spend quite some time looking up bands on youtube which I haven't done for years I guess...
And I felt so good, I felt so alive and so much more positive.
So, this year, I want and MUST focus more on things I enjoy and get back to thing which where very important im live around 5 yrs ago.
I want to dive into the japanese music scene again, look up new VK Bands and mayyybeee go to more concerts too.
I want to be more brave and fight this stupid axiety and panic I have when I want to go see a show...
Also I want to move out of the flat I live rn as soon as possible.
But that requires getting a job asap too!
I'll go to the jobcenter once I am back in town, and hope they can help me out finding somehting.
I am going to send in applications as a letter maybe that will help people recognise me too...
I want to focus more on myself and my happiness and I want to try and do something for my happiness and if my man doesn't want to participate it's not my problem.
I want to get healthier and eat more vegetarian/vegan food as I feel that it gets more and more important to me. And even if I may crave for a piece of meat and a cup of milk now and then, that's ok!
I'd like to spend time with people I like more often and get to know them better.
I really really want to be less negative and unhappy and sad all the time...
I am afraid of going back home though....
I have to many bitter feelings about this place...
And althpough I know my man isn't in a good place at life right now too I don't want him to act all hopeless and stuff....that puts me down too
we'll see ahh