Did it again...

Though I always say to myself that I don't want to continue this, don't want to binge anymore. No more purging.... But I repeat the same mistake. Over and over. Then every time, I feel guilty and disappointed with myself. Feel like a failure...

My therapist says, don't blame myself. Instead, be kind to myself. So I won't regret what happened today. Tomorrow will be a better day... :)

Saying No

Sometimes, it's hard for me to say NO.

Last night, my girlfriend begged me to stay at the Uchiage Nomikai because she didn't know anyone there. I didn't want to go because 1) I didn't want to drink, 2) I was exhausted, 3) spending some time and socializing with strangers can make me stressed out. I was having hard time saying NO to her because it looked like I was ditching her.

I came very close to going to the Uchiage with her, but I knew it would stress me out a lot and I was already sensing it. I finally said, "NO, I'm sorry but I'm not going." I felt bad for her at first though, I felt more relieved later. If I had gone, I may have drunk and it would have led B/P later.

I'm proud of myself that I was able to put my needs first.

Day 1

I always thought I would be the last person who writes her own blog. But I was ispired by those who share their experiences with ED in their blogs. So here I am... They very first blog of my own.

A little abut my history with ED.

I've been bulimic since 18. Just like many others with ED, everything started from a little thought of losing weight. I became obssessed with food and weight, which wasn't so fun. In search for help, I went to see doctors, have been medicated and joined a support group.... Nothing worked.

For the past two years, I've been seeing a therapist. It didn't seem to be helping me at first, however, I've been feeling some change in me latey. I hope the change is a good one and will lead me to a recovery from my long term battle with ED...