When Paul McCartney copies... Paul McCartney
...Rock version.
Vanilla Sky, from the soundtrack of the Vanilla Sky movie (American/2001 version):
...ballad version!
Gosh, it's been a long time.
'Was trying to find sleep... but gave up after about an hour. Because I was beginning to cry in my bed, and usually it means a baaaad night if I go to sleep "in that state of mind". It had been a long time it didn't happen, definitely some years... but at least I didn't wake up crying in the middle of the night. This really is the worst... (but for this the last time was... 6 years ago now? maybe, something like that...)
Therefore I'm just trying to "order" my anger and sadness right now, listening to an album I rarely listen to because it always makes me depressed. Not a famous album at all, and definitely not something that was ever sold outside France : it's... a "night music compilation" made by a former radio DJ. Very peaceful, full of sensitivity. I love listening to it once in a while.
The problem now is that I'm not sure I will go to this festival anymore... Yes seeing Gamma Ray and Saxon would DEFINITELY help my mood, but if I drive in this mood....... could be bad. I didn't buy my ticket yet anyway. Will see.
I only hope I will be able to sleep in the end, 'cause I have a lot of things to do tomorrow, a lot of work, and I definitely won't be able to complete everything if I don't sleep properly tonight.
*What did I do to deserve all this... WHAT DID I DO?!?!?!?*
phew, poor brain
Sometimes I really wonder what on Earth I could have done to deserve such a family.
With a mother who should have a nice life with the money she earns but still manages to spend all (and more) over useless stuff, so much it creates (real big) problems + a brother who never learnt the value of money and always spends twice more than what he has... and me, who should be looking for a job but can't find time for it because my mother's calling me all day long because she wants me to help her solve all her problems. And she always upsets me so much with her stories that I always need about 30mns-1h to be calm again and be able to think of something else / stop thinking with nothing but anger in my mind.
(Father? I usually don't talk about persons about whom I can only talk negatively, because there is really nothing positive to say. Therefore not a word about him, definitely better.)
Sure I could as well leave her be and let her drown in her (and my brother's) problems... but sorry, they're family, I can't act like that towards family.
But I really really long for the day when everything will be over... though I sometimes wonder if it will ever happen. Maybe having a job would help... though I'm pretty sure she would call me on my working hours. And to get a job I need time to look for it (...finding a job is a real hell in France, especially for me... as the "domain" where I have most diplomas/degrees is THE domain where I DO NOT want to work... long and complicated story).
A French expression summarizes all this very well, a rough translation would be: "a snake biting its own tail"
Going to a music festival this week-end, where I'll see Saxon and Gamma Ray among others... I really really really need it, hope it will help.
*and definitely not in mood to try and write in Japanese for now, my apologies*