i don't know who to talk to about my problems.
when i tell people about my insecurities with my ex boyfriend,
they tell me to break it off with him.
but because me and my ex boyfriend have never met,
i'm often ridiculed.
maybe they think i'm crazy?
but i didn't care.
i wish i had someone to go to for advice..
but there's no one.
so whenever i get depressed about us,
i just keep it to myself. and i would try to get over it.
and when he would call or message me,
i would forget all my worries.
but now it's different.
i ended it with him.
i'm at a total lost.
every day, i would try to live my life normally:
go to my part-time, go to a cafe, spend a little time with sisters, etc.
i thought i would be alright.
but once it becomes night time, i begin to think.
i won't stop thinking.
then.
depression.
a night of crying
and hating myself.
then hating myself again
and hating myself again
and hating myself,
and hating and hating and hating and hating and hating
and wanting to disappear
then i'll wake up to a new morning.
my mind is always a mess.
i try to be happy with friends.
with family.
but in the end i always end up torturing myself.
why do i do this to myself?
why do i hate myself?
why.