実母の命日の式典は、行かないと決めた。しかも行く当日の早朝だった。そして詳しく兄貴から聞いてやめて正解だと感じた。また、兄貴の実家に行くことをキャンセルしたことに失望と怒りを感じたのも事実だ。

実兄はクリスチャンである。そして実母は何回か教会の集会に出席した。また、実母の希望の一つが、彼女の婚家の墓に入りたくない。そんな言葉を聞いた。その後に実母は兄貴のいる教会の方に言ってもいいと言った。（だが、数年後は反故された）そんなこともあったので葬儀の方は異論はなかった。

一周忌目前だった。普通ならば親族が少なくとも集まって行うものと自分は考えた。彼女が可愛がった従兄弟達と自分たちとそして実妹と自分たち家族を対象に普通は考える。

だが、彼の場合は、自分の教会を中心に考え、私が期日を知ったのは前回のブログで書いたと思う。わずか、二週間前だ。

そして、わずか二日前に無理矢理に「日曜日に来て、日曜日に来てほしい」との言葉に深く考えなかった。自分が愚かだった。

出勤前の数時間前に、日曜日の集会に参列をさせられると知った。ちょっとやめてくれ。必死に断った。普通の人ならば、そこで、実母の式典だから異宗教でも出席しなければいけないと家族から言われた。

まぁ、葬儀の時の違和感は少しは感じたのも事実だ。いい式典だと思う。だが、自分の親との別れを、なんでか関係ない人が家族ですという態度を見たので違和感がずっとありすぎた。

また、だいぶ前に、自分は洗脳されそうになった。まぁ、暗い部屋に閉じ込められた。また長時間に渡って隔離してるわけではない。

ただ、教会の一室で、兄貴が分厚い聖書を持ち出して「悪魔がいる」とかかなり２〜３時間ぐらいかな。とにかく長かった。それがあったために自分は教会に拒絶する。まぁ、普段は意識しなかった。だが、この会話にあのトラウマを思い出した。

たぶん、納骨の儀も、兄貴が洗脳しようと思ってるだろう。あ~兄貴と実家にいるとずっと延々と賛美歌が流れるのはなぁ。

まぁ、多分納骨の儀は、また同じパターンでやる可能性があると思う。

I decided not to go to my mother's death anniversary ceremony. And it was early in the morning on the day of my departure. And she felt right to stop after hearing more from her brother. It is also true that I felt disappointed and angry that I had to cancel the visit to her brother's parents' house.

His older brother is a Christian. And her biological mother attended several church meetings. Also, one of her mother's wishes is not to enter her matrimonial grave. She heard those words. Afterwards, she said her biological mother could tell her brother's church. (However, she was rebelled a few years later.) Because of that, there was no objection to her funeral.

It was right before the first anniversary. Ordinarily, she thought, at least relatives would get together. She usually thinks of her beloved cousins and herself, and of her own sister and her family.

However, in his case, I think he focused on his church and I found out about the date in his last blog. Only two weeks ago.

And just two days before, he hadn't given much thought to the words, "Come on Sunday, come on Sunday." he was stupid

A few hours before he left for work, he learned that he was being sent to a Sunday assembly. Please stop. he desperately refused. As an ordinary person, her family told me that since it was her mother's ceremony, I had to attend even if I was of a different religion.

Well, it's true that I felt a little uncomfortable at the funeral. I think it's a nice ceremony. However, when I saw the attitude that someone who had nothing to do with the separation from my parents was my family, I felt too uncomfortable.

Also, a long time ago, I almost got brainwashed. Well, he was locked in a dark room. It's not like I've been in isolation for too long.

However, in one of the church rooms, my brother took out a thick bible and said, "There is a devil." It took about two or three hours. It was long anyway. Because of that, I refuse to join the church. Well, I usually didn't realize it. But this conversation reminded me of that trauma.

My brother is probably trying to brainwash the burial ceremony as well. Ah~ When I'm at my parents' house with my brother, the hymns are played endlessly.

Well, I think there's a possibility that the ceremonial burial ceremony will follow the same pattern again.

見事なトラウマが！！これから先の実母関係の儀式には出席しないだろう！