damn

nowadays, my feeling is still not good condition.
last time when I felt lonely cuz of his pics.
I told Paul to explain my feeling.

he cheered me up and prevented me to contact with HIM.
I could understand his opinion well.
and if I were he, actually I will say that for someone.



i felt really sad when I saw some of his pics on his FB.
cuz there were some sweet words in his comment.
and many girls who I don't know well.
the worst things is that he updated pic with Iku, only for her.!!!! and they did hug each other...
it means their distance was really close.....
I can understand there is not Japan, so it's common situation in foreign country.
but we couldn't have taken pic together, right????

u didn't try take a pic with me.
actually, we couldn't meet up after school when I graduated from PGIC.
but .... omg

can I cry?
who is that girl.
why u don't send me any message ?
r u busy?
u don't like me?

but I know suddenly u send me a message.
u r really spiteful..
next time I will ask u something.
I know we r not couple, but I still like u.
even though u don't like me.


and I always think about u.
I'm crazy.

I have to find a wonderful guy in Japan.
I really agree that, but my mind is not follow my brain.

it's almost impossible to forget u,right??

I'm still waiting for ur message or call.
and looking for to meeting up each other in Osaka or in Korea.

omg I'm really crazy......

feeling

nowadays, I feel i waste my valuable time in my life.

especially, today I really didn't want to do anything.
I don't know why.

but I can guess why I feel lonely and sad.
i think maybe cuz of him.

recently I could have spent my everyday normally.
cuz he didn't send me messages.

this is why I've been fine from after we contacted with each other.

but yesterday, he sent me a message suddenly.
i was surprised and satisfied with.

but we couldn't have chatted each other a lot.
it was only a few chatting....

he said super busy, so it word was enough for me, but I couldn't satisfied with that.
cuz I really miss him.

if we were together in van, it's enough.
but now I'm in Japan.
really unbelievable distance we have, right???


why u can stand this situation????


is this like a mystery???


anyway, I'm sad because of u.
what should I do??
I really want to see u.

or just want to hear ur voice.


i can understand its difficult for us to contact with each other, but if u really like me, it's not impossible, right??


after I thought that, I wandering u must be hate me.
so u don't want to contact with me...



I'm crazy....


already I know.


but I really happy when we do chatting!
seriously!!!!!!!



do u know my feeling????


maybe not.
even though if u were Japanese, it's really difficult, I guess.


omg I'm getting better!!!!!

just one word, I want to see u!!!!!!!!

。

だめやねー。

私が大人げないんかな？
いちいち腹立ってくんねんもん。
もう、ほんまについていく気しやんし。
はやく辞めさせてほしい。



塾も今日から研修始まったけど
もう1人の男の子なんなん？あの態度。
もうちょっとコミュニケーション
とろうとか思わんのかな？

ありえへん人多すぎて
ほんまいらいらする。


大人にならな。
私がしっかりしたらすむ話やんな。
うん。
しんどいけど、耐えないとあかんな。



留学もほんまに
いけるかな？
不安になってきた。
あー。うまくいかないね。


みんなそうなんかな。

10娘も今、みんななんかまいってる時期。私もその1人やけど。


うまくいかなくて、
自分を攻めたくなってるけど、
認められなくて。
何かに当たりたいけどどこにぶつけていいかわからなくて。
自分の居場所さえわからんくなってる。


あー。
なんかもうほんま全部だるい。
喉いたいの治らんし、
夜なったら頭割れそうに痛くなるし、
胃が痛い。
もうしんどい。


あの人も
たまに連絡してくるけど
自分のことでいっぱいいっぱいすぎて
応えられへん。
一緒にいても楽しくないし
偶然会わんように恐る恐る行ってる自分に気づいて、ビックリした。

無理に好きなんやって思い込ませてた。
付き合うことなんて単純で簡単なことやのに、なんで軽く考えられへんのやろう？
好きになられへん。
感覚がわからん。

嫌いじゃないねんで、
けど、好きじゃないねん。
出会い方が出会い方なだけに
信用できひんし、怖い。
優しいし、頑張ってるけど
私には無理な気がしてる。


私が悪いねん。
考えすぎってわかってるけど
考えてしまうねんもん。仕方ないやんな。



あー。
放浪したい。


暗い日記なんて書きたくないのに。


モヤモヤたまりすぎてほんま破裂しそう。



明日はお母さんとデートやから
楽しもう。


よし。笑え笑え笑え。