Tears From The Sky

As so as I don't know whether is it good to start writng my thoughts around here on a blog which can be visible to anyone. I mean really anyone if they have a good imagination at searching for my username. Or maybe I don't really care if people see it as all the lies and pretendings I'm holding inside would come out. Even eventually, they will anyways.
I don't know where's the limit between right and wrong anymore. My jealousy or doing almost the same shit by myself. Being jealous of my girlfriend talking to her 'friend' and having more fun with her than with me and stinging pain as I know they're both bisexual and get along just so well. Maybe I feel like I don't belong here anymore and feel so uncomfortable in her company because of that reason.
But on the other side it'll soon be 14 days since I met D guy and despite the little conflict we had I find myself very attached to him and I miss him. After all he's a guy. He'll fullfill all my sexual expectations and not only with toys. As if sex would be so important but how-ever to admit myself there are also another bad things I feel but I'm keeping them inside about my gf.
It just seems like I'm forcing myself to be with her to get love I need. Yet to think back I was totally and completely happy being single. I was able to flirt and all... but I didn't get the love and full attention I needed after that bitch left me.
As also I can't get some facts out of my head which I think my gf should get cleared up without my help. She doesn't think even a little bit. What is using some common sense. It's an unknown thing for her and I, as someone who's on a really high level of thinking.. I don't even know what I'm still doing with her. Overall she accepts me as I am and things I do in my free time are max. interesting to her. That's what I'm afraid D will be kind of taken aback when he finds out all the weird things I'm doing (not in any erotic way - if anyone except me will ever read this)..
He even told me he's not religious. He never went to church so I can't expect him to believe me in either way. Can I? I mean.. It's all connected to religion despite the not christian or any other religion god but only someone above and I'm talking bullshit so I'll stop. Generally yes, I'm afraid he won't like me because of that or that he'll even think I'm stupid.
Yet I.. Yes I feel like I'm playing with two people's emotions and it's not right. So not right ..