When people die, they will see all their life history like film in very short time just before their spirit leave their body, or that what I heard.
it was not like that but emotionally that what happening, I didn’t see any “film” or images, only my heart start beating so fast, I do not even know what was happening. But I felt something timeless nostalgic feeling… When I step in to the place, there he is, among with 40 other people or so, and I never met him before but I know him, I know him very well…. but why???
I know the feeling… when I met my baby girl 15 years a go in person, that exactly how I felt. During pregnancy I had special connection with this girl as most mothers, we talk (not with voice of course) and she answer my questions with alien-ish movement, I adore her before I met her in person, and I waited long 9 month and finally here she is, in my arms, my heart beats with joy, I am no longer scared anything anymore, with all my power, I will protect her and I knew I can… My second baby girl has different start and I will write about her later..
That was the feeling I have, I know you and waited so long to meet you( again supposed ), I guess once my girls grown and leave house one day, I will wait them to come home for Holiday, I will prepare welcome home tradition and mark my calender and wait for them to come home, then when I saw her face, my heart will beats fast with joy, that type of feeling.. Not normal boy-girl attraction, that for sure.
First of all, there are type of guy I am easily felling for, tall, brown hair and blue eyes. if he plays instrument like piano or violin, I will melt just like ice cream…. but he was not tall brown hair or blue eyes, more than anything, I can say 100% honestly, I wasn’t even looking for relationship at all. Ending ugly divorce, and just start to working again 3 weeks prior , its new beginning of my life and I enjoy it, I was at where I wanted to be, very content and happy and never felt lonely. There are so many different type of woman, some woman need her partner all the time, always looking for someone. Then me, I was at point I do not need someone to makes me happy, my past relationship makes me very clear that all by myself, I feel much happier and I love the feeling of freedom. Love at first site? no. He wasn’t my type as I mentioned, then what? just didn’t know.
But anyhow, we met, I don’t know anything about him including his name, age, his personal life such as if he is married or at least have girl friend. Absolutely NONE. Well I am in 40′s not 16 year old, as most woman know, its impossible, as grown mature woman, we have standard and high expectation, right? of course. Especially if you are single mom of 2 beautiful teenagers or almost teenager, you can’t just meet “some Guy” anymore, as Mother and as role model of daughters, I have to have high expectation, that is the reason why you kiss so many frogs in you life, hoping this frog will be different than old frogs I kissed, and realize frog will be frog no matter what, Love is beautiful thing, and when you are in new relationship, you are dreamy and Happy and world is all yours because I love who I am when I am in Love, again not him but ME. Yes I love who I am when I am in Love!! then time pass sparkle dull the shine, nothing exciting anymore… you can choose one of 2 things. Dump him or grow family-ish affection.
So, back to him, at this time, I act as grown mature woman, I ignore my heart, pretend nothing happening and it was success…. just didn’t know yet I planted little tiny seed in my heart….or I would say, I had seed for eternity and I just gives water to grow without knowing I did it, until 4 month later…
and my situation at this point, nothing change but I see little change in him